JENN'S YEAR IN REVIEW...2002

maaan...what a FckN year?! never have i cried soo much...been hurt soo much...GROWN soo much! i went through soo much drama this year..with guy(s) especially...lost some friendships too..thats the sucky part...funny how things end up...just goes to show how much things can change over the years and even in a couple months...2002...senior year...lots of stuff goin on. graduation...prom...grad nite...wow...and finally COLLEGE. ive also had a lot of firsts...i had my first taste of things that i always told myself i would never do...i guess thats why they have the saying.."never say never." but yea..sometimes you just gotta let loose and have fun, you can't work all day and have no play!...i've learned that things don't come easy in life and that they will only get worse in order to get better...i'll admit i made a couple of mistakes this year...but definetly NO REGRETS. my friend once told me that you can't regret the past cause its already over and done with...so use it to make for a better future. we learn from our mistakes. even if it takes us 10 thousand retakes...in the end, somehow, we learn it. sometimes what you think is right...isn't...we just get too caught up in thinking it's what we want and what's right that we tend to block out the MAJOR reasons for it being WRONG. we can't go on in life making room for the good because the bad is taking up soo much space...a big thing i learned this year is who my REAL friends are...and letting go...it takes a lot for someone to let go...but one things for sure..in the end, it makes things clearer...and you learn that it really was worth hurting because it only makes you stronger as a person...of course no one wants to hurt...but we can't be afraid of it..its a part of life...and so is change...holding on to the past...something that's no longer there only weakens us. moving on and being able to take risks in life is something we should all take advantage of...live life to the fullest, dont dwell over something that isnt worth it. there's bigger and better things out there for everyone! but that doesnt mean to say that we should forget people who have affected us...nothing can ever change the past..but we have to forgive and forget...and if you cant do that, then you have nothing and you'll be stuck forever...living life on your own isnt so bad..i learned all of this and more this year..college and being away from home really has made me realize the value of family and san diego..but i'm glad i moved away...gave a chance to start over in life..i think college does that to everyone in general...i'm happy now...and i'm glad for everything that was given to me this year...good and bad cause either way, i am a STRONGER person.

highlight of the year....graduation...the week and and weekend of...i've never been soo happy and felt soo accomplished..so many good times with family and friends! going up on stage...getting that diploma...maaan, hearing my family in the stands honk the horns and chant my name...carrying big ass posters...that felt hella great! it felt good to end high school and move on...ahh yes...can't wait til college graduation! 3 more years baaby! ;p in the meantime, i'm enjoying the college life at berkeley!

biggest lesson(s) learned in life...forgive and forget...it's the only way to move on...LOVE ISN'T SUPPOSE TO HURT if youre with the right person..things happen for a reason...maybe the person you're looking for is the one who's been with you all along, they know you best..timing is everything! don't be afraid of change...you can't always runaway and take the easy way out...

biggest lesson(s) learned in college...college is one tough mofo! but you can't base your experience on that of others...we all work at our own pace...as long as you know you tried your best..thats all that matters...just take every bad midterm/final and use it to work harder for the next...perseverence! it's all about prioritizing in college...you can't depend on anyone but yourself..straight up!

it's a new year everyone...time to start fresh...new beginnings, new challenges, new life! but its up to you to live it up...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

today was boring...ate..went online..talked to chris, haven't talked to that fool in a long time..it felt good having someone to make fun of again...haha JP...angelo is having a birthday shindig...but thats not til wednesday...umm...julius and susan came by today with baby bremmer..the cutie patootie...i gave him some candy...umm...raymond wants to chill sometime this week..my mom likes him for whatever reason..haha, joke raymond! and yea...YES is gonna be on the battle of the sexes thing on mtv! hooooray...i'm soo happy and excited! but shit...i gottta find a place to watch it back in berk since i dont have mtv in my dorm...hmm...but angelo does! haha..the end..

maan..i can't breath...damn colds! why am i always catching them?! ; (

if youre not the one.maid in manhattan soundtrack

funniest thing in the world is to watch filipino mothers dance! LOL...my mom cracks me up!

it's starting to get stormy in san diego... ;( i could be developing a cold! grr...not good

ryan tedder.the look
norah jones.dont know why
glenn lewis.fall again

so the rest of my birthday was pretty cool...somewhat...my dad said i could come home at 2...then my mom calls from work and says "give me a piece of mind!" haha...wtf does that mean? so she says i must come home at 12 sharp..i say..fine whatever..i just wanna get out of the house! grr...didnt get to go ice skating with the family cause not all the cousins were here..so yea..we'll wait on that. instead we watched "maid in manhattan"...thanks julius for hooking it up with the tickets! youre the bestest "sister"! haha..but yea, it was alright...kinda like a modern cinderella i guess...i also ran into madel and angelo at the movies...how funny! hah...i was all happy to see them..anyways afterwards i came home of course..chilled for awhile with people..then went to sleep. thanks you guys for making me happy on my birthday! ; > you guys are the best! and everyone who called/texted too! "youre such a sweetheart..you made my day!"

saturday my mom dragged me and my sister to her co-worker's party...those are always funny to go to cause they always make us talk to the sons...haha, so we ended up chillen with ernie the whole time..i swear..all the aunties make things soo uncomfortable and awkward! "go talk to them...they're single...so we can be comares...!" hah..then they all laugh at us and stare at us when we're talking..sheesh..but yea, it cracks us up. he goes to the naval academy all the way in maryland..pretty cool, and he's cute and funny..haha, but he looks like my cousin's ex. turns out he lives across the street from justin deleon and jay gener..and is "cousins" with jansen...what a small world?! haha..so yea..then we went to another party after...ate more..sat around...the end!

December 27, 1983....the princess was born...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! i'm 19 already...soo old...2 more years til 21! yes! can't wait!

so i'm half way through the day of my birth and so far it was pretty cool...people called...texted...to greet me their wishes...thanks everyone! started off with finally getting our new military IDs...haha..i look fat..but its ok cause i wanna get fat. then my mom wanted to get some boots just like mine..so we went and got her boots at mission valley...and EWW...when i was sitting outside at the tables by myself waiting for my family this guy comes up to me and sits down too...YUCK! started askin me bout my age and where my boyfriend was..how come i'm single..and blah blah...gross...he was morse class of 98..double gross! thank God my brother came and called me to go..geez..we were sitting there talking for a good five minutes...couldn't he take a hint i wasn't interested with my one-word responses?! haha..but ENY-WAYS...went to lunch with my family at dave and busters...played lots of games...it was funny cause ya know how you have to be with an adult 21+ at all times? well i was walking with my sister and brothers and this guy with a headset comes and asks us where our parents were..haha...so i pointed and then he says.."come on, let's go find your parents" so we started walking and i was laughing, then he tells my dad..."can you do me a favor please? can you please be with your children at all times..." hahahaha..dumb shit! geez...my sister and i are already adults here! ya know? oh yea..and i found this token on the floor and thought i was this little boys next to me..so i asked him if it was his and he stands up..picks it up...shrugs his shoulders..says "i guess"...and walks away...freakin..i dont think it was even his! i was bout to run after his ass...he even won the damn jackpot! sheesh..share the wealth please! haha..ok...enough about that..for tonight...ice skating with the cousins? i don't know..we'll see...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! sorry that was kinda late..haha ;p
why didn't christmas feel like christmas this year? geez...that sucked! but it was still cool...spent time with the family and stuff. christmas eve i went to church with my cousins at this christian church. we're not christian but yea...i dont know...my aunties and uncles like to go there. it's hella cool cause every year we sing "this little light of mine" and they turn off all the lights in the church and everyone has their own candle...we start off with one and then pass the light on til the whole church is glowing...it's a big church so it looked hella sick...something my cousins and i look forward to every year! haha...too bad we had to stand the whole service..haha..our fault, we we're late. i was soo happy to see all my cousins, we're all soo grown up doin our own things that we rarely get to spend time together like back in the days when we went to each others' houses everyday..it's as if we're all old friends rather than cousins...aww...i love the obaña clan! i also played with this little baby in church..haha..i always do that. anyways...ate dinner at cousin patricia's house...then went to drop off gifts and stuff...then home to sleep! people were texting and callin after 12 saying merry christmas and stuff...but i forgot that i got in trouble with my cell...after knit-picking every call on the cell bill..checking the time and length of the calls... my dad came to the conclusion that i am NO longer allowed to accept calls after MIDNIGHT! haha..daamN! sucks! he said to turn off my cell..but F-that! i'm just gonna put it on silent! ya know?! so i won't be tempted to answer calls...haha..but ENy-WAYS! christmas day my mom wakes all of us up to open gifts...well we acutally watched my little brother open gifts...it seems like the older you get the less gifts you recieve, but that's alright with me...it's still fun watching people open gifts and seeing the things they get..then we went to church again...catholic this time...and then more family time at my auntie's house...all i did was eat and play with the babies...cause they're my favorite! ; >

then after a 10 minute lecture, my dad actually lets me go to ruthie's little christmas/birthday shindig later that night..he says i'm young and should have fun...enjoy life he says cause i'm only 19 once...HAHA! yea right! and that's why i'm still living like i'm 16?! haha..i was laughing my ass off! but yea...i got to go..so that was cool..we just chilled with her church friends and family and stuff..watched the formality dvd cause her brother is in it..and yea...it was fun...met this chick named eleanor who knew my cousin from ucsd...umm..yea..didnt' stay too late cause i was hella tired..im just glad i got to see the little ruthsta before she left for camp..we'll celebrate our birthdays forreal when she gets back!

maaan...today i shopped all day! soo tired..soo crowded...long lines...SIGH..but i actually bought stuff! haha..so i'm pretty proud of myself cause i never buy stuff. we went all the way to north county fair..then utc to check out hollister...everything was on sale but all their jeans were gone...i hate it when i can't fit jeans! it's soo damn hard to find jeans that fit my skinny ass...so PLEASE don't say i'm lucky to be thin because i can't find jeans that fit me anywhere!!! i might as well go to limited too! argh! i need meat..i must eat more dorm food!

tonight was erwin's thing..i wanted to go, but i was scared to ask my dad after he calls me coming home at 12 last night late...whatever though...i thought my curfew was at 1?! haha..oh dang...my curfews suck! ; /

i forgot to say that san diego was abosolutely GORGEOUS today...or yesterday! hah...it was a great day! i forgot to mention i talked to my grandparents in philippines today...i miss them, they're soo funny! they really have inspired me to work hard and be my best...i wish they didnt have to move back there..but i understand their reasons..can't wait til they come back for a visit! i'm pretty lucky that they're still around passing down their wisdom to us..aww...family-ness...OHANA!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUTHIE!!! my best bud! you're soo old now! haha...JP...sorry i couldnt make it to your dinner, i called back cause i could go but then you had already left...and without that cell, i had no communication with you..so yea...but no doubt i'll make it up to you...fosho! and i know what to get you now..you'll love it! PS...youre still ugly and fat! love ya!

today was very tiring...got up early so that i could take my brother to school cause ASB had their annual community service shindig...i felt all gross..but yea..anyways, had to go renew my military ID but then the system was down or something like that...so yea..won't get that done til friday i guess. and it expired on the 16th..haha, oh well! then we went to MCRD to pick up some stuff that my mom wanted...then we headed to fashion...maan it was soo busy!...and i TRIED to shop..didnt find much..bought my cousin a nice top...(you better like it! and if you don't...just let me borrow it! haha ;p)..i couldnt find anything for ruthie and susan..i guess it might end up bein gift certificates. sorry i haven't been in my usual creative mood..finals wore me out! then we went to commissary to get some groceries..and of course you can't go to one without goin to the other, so we went to exchange too! haha...and there i ran into JAY magpantay...yes..my good old buddy from high school...i was SOO VERY HAPPY to see him! i gave him a big hug..caught up on what he's been up to..said hi to the family...it was hella cool..his mom even remembered who i was and i've only met her once or twice...that felt nice! wow...he looked pretty good (and tall)! that hella made my week...two weeks even! haha...but yea...it's just funny cause lately he's been poppin up in my head out of nowhere and that was weird...like i came across our asb ball dance picture..and yea..next thing i know, i see him at exchange! pretty cool...i definetly gotta chill with that fool before he leaves for the navy..i'm just glad we're still friends after all that drama or semi-drama that we had...he's still a sweetheart to me! ;>
anyways...afterwards i had to take my brother to get a haircut..but we stopped by my sister JULIUS'S house on the way cause he came over yesterday but i was asleep...saw his little brother bremmer, adorable as always! i love babies..can't wait to have some of my own...haha SIKE JP..not anytime soon guys!....then off to cousin PATRICIA'S house to bake! haha...damn our cupcakes and cake looked hideous! but they tasted great and thats all that matters...we baked it with lots of love...just hope someone will eat it! haha...oh yea..we bought mexican food...cause we're fattys like that..maan carne asada fries never tasted so great! so today was pretty fun! yea! christmas fun starts tomorrow! ;>

ever think about why things happen the way they do? like...things happen for a reason right? i dont know..been thinkin a lot about stuff..people...relationships...it's funny cause we all go into college knowing that things will never be the same again..especially with people...so why did we even try to hold on to it in the first place? is it better to let things drift away so that they no longer exist? or should we continue to TRY and make the best of what we can get out of people? relationships require the work of TWO people...

ok...tell me why the fck can't i go out tonight?! geez...i didnt even do anything and i have to stay home! shit! times like these remind me why i love berkeley so much and why i wanted to move away in the first place! fckN shit! i'm soo pissed off right now! jksdafjl;asjdglkasdjgli;f....i swear...i'm tired of all this double standard bullshit...it's alright with me if i can't go out...but what pisses me off is the fact that my bro can get in trouble and get grounded and still be able to go out! WTF?! i didnt even do shit! maaan!

note to you all you boys...be glad youre not a filipino girl! it sucks ass!

madel...i guess i feel you more now...things are NOT the same anymore with some friends...hmm...my best friend didnt even know i was back until today...sucks huh?! what are you suppose to say to that? i dont know...i miss high school where friendships were more real and easier to keep...makes you think about who really is there for you...

SIGH...winter break...it's been two days..so here' s what i've been up to in SD..

friday..picked up the bros at morse and zamorano in the van, yes...the old "g" ride! haha...then went shoppin at plaza...fashion felt too far to drive...and yea..saw a couple of morse alumni...said hi and blah blah...how's school and stuff...bought a pretzle cause i'm fat like that...then headed to old navy..bought stuff for my dad...took my bro to the asb christmas party all the way in eastlake...came home...chilled with the family...watch tv with my sis...waited for my bro to com home (at 12)...ate his leftovers...went to sleep at 1...woke up at 1...hahah

saturday...stayed home cause it's raining cold! argh! ; / jelly's having a party..but i dont know..i'm too cold to get dressed up...erwin called...party at his pad! haha...and i was suppose to chill with ruthie tonight...but yea, dont feel like gettin up..so here i am..blogging! woopty dooo!

i have a complaint...how come my bro gets to do whatever he wants?! he gets in trouble and STILL gets to go to the asb party...shit! soo not fair! sometimes i wouldnt be able to go just cause my dad said no with no damn good reason! and he doesnt even have to call home like i do! wtf?! AND he goes out with this one chick A LOT...and ALONE! makes NO SENSE! grrrrrrrrrrr! filipino dads need a reality check! foooooor-real!

this is a story of sherlyn and jenn...on their journey to san diego...

YES! it's the 19th...finally! finals are over and it's time to go home! too bad the rain started pouring down on us like crazy! but it was all good cause kim offered us a ride to the airport (thank God!)..we left berkeley at 2...early, but not too early cause our flight was at 3:10. but with all the rain that caused soo much traffic, a 15 minute ride took us more than an hour! geeez! haha...but sherlyn and i weren't trippin...kim was! so we finally get to the airport at 3...we were already late cause we were suppose to check in 10 minutes before our flight....we figured the lines to check in bags wouldn't be that long cause they're never long...but guess what? they were! hahha...we were crackin up! they went pass the freakin doors! my lord! great luck huh? the one time we're running late! so we were prayin our flight got delayed cause of the rain...we checked and we see that it's scheduled to leave at 3:30...so we think we're all good..finally get up to the line to check in our bags at around 3:25 or something...so as we check in...they tell us that our plane is already BOARDING! we were like "wtf? i thought it wasnt gonna leave til 3:30!" haha..so they put us on the next flight for standby...sherlyn and i didnt really care...we thought it was funny how we missed our flight...it felt like the movies! haha...so we get our tickets...get screened...maan they made be take off my jacket, scarf, and shoes! i was like SHIT! i'm freakin cold! but whatever..haha...so we get in line at our standby flight to check in..see luca..but didnt get to say hi. as we were standing in line..laughing at ourselves, we hear on the intercom..."shirly manzano.." and i looked at sherlyn with my eyes open...then they continued, "..and jennifer obaña, please report to gate 20"...haha! we paused for a second and then ran our asses through the crowd to get to gate 20...our original flight! maaan....what a trip! we were crackin up! so they tell us that they were waiting for us...we felt kinda dumb...but yea...COOL! we get to go home on time! too bad we sat next to these old guys...damn mofo put his shit under MY seat! i was like...my goodness...i got my own shit sir! but whatever...i didnt wanna deal so i just tried to slam my shit as much as i could under my seat...didnt fit and i had to keep it in with my legs...the flight was pretty quick. i love landing in SD...its soo pretty! so finally...off the damn plane at 5:10...turns out we were on the same flight as viv and john...so that was cool. now here's the worse part...we were waiting for our luggage to come up the thingy...but it never came! ;( maan...so we went to the baggage office and asked...they said it got put on the next flight...and we'd have to wait an hour...ok...no prob...right? so our sisters were with us waiting...then AGAIN they call us on the intercom...maan we're so special! haha..but then they tell us that it WASN'T on the flight that we were waiting for...but another one that would arrive at 7:45..grr! they said that we can either have it delivered or come back to pick it up and get a $50 voucher for our next flight...so we take the damn voucher...we decided to leave and come back...so it's 8...i called and they said the plane hadn't arrived yet...grr...call back at 8:30...i did...still not there..so they said they'd just call me...it's almost 10..fuckin shit! i'm tired and wanna go to sleep..but i can't...so i call sherlyn and she just picked up her bags...so i finally left to get my bags...saw erwin at the airport..haha...and yes..picked up my voucher..got home at 10:30...and slept at 11! wow...the earilest i've went to bed in years! SIGH....what a day! and that's the end of our crazy trip home...we always have crazy trips home but this has got to top it! hope you guys enjoyed the story! sorry it was long...oh well..you read it still! haha..sike JP! ;>

;D nothing can express the joy, excitement, RELIEF..that i am feeling right now! hell yes! FINALS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!!!! ;> maan oh maan...i'm too happy right now! let the GOOD TIMES begin! oh yes...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! i'm sooooooo very very HAPPY! it wasnt a great first semester of college...but maan...it's over! we learn from our experiences and mistakes right?! (even though i DID bust my ass this semester and didnt get the freakin grades to show for it! i'm not that bitter...haha)and even if this wasnt such a great semester for me...i'm glad to say that it only made me stronger and more motivated than ever! watch out spring semester!!

so here i am...all packed up and ready to go..but i dont leave for the airport til another hour..(thanks kim for the ride! you saved us from the rain!)....so it's all good cause i'm soo CHiiiiiiiLLL right now! ;>

everyone on my floor is practically gone...awww....it's too quiet! haha..see you all in a month! or online! haha..

Cal crew...we're chillen for sure in SD! ya'll know the number to call!

it's time to have some FUN....CHiLL....and NOT study! hoooooooooooooray! ;>

once in a lifetime.craig david
love of my life.erykah badu (i love that song too madel! haha)

just finished my last night of studying for my last final at 8...today (thursday)...hell yes! and i get to go home! yeaaaa! ;>

once again..i study my ass off...geez...i better get a good grade! but who knows...its not my semester anyways..it was hella tough!...i may have the motivation and determination...but shit, that aint nothing without the grades! ya know?!

last night i couldnt sleep..last time i checked the time it was 5...must have been the coffee or my jacked up sleeping patterns..i dont know..but yea...got up early..went to grab some food with drea..headed to furtura to get my bro's berkeley sweater and ran into tiffany. we helped each other shop...and yea, headed back to the dorms cause drea left for home. spent the whole afternoon studying...again! oh yea, watched aaron and chris on chris' webcam...haha funny stuff maan! anyways..i'm tired but not sleepy..so yea... i watched the rerun of dawson's and then chris and aaron came over. chris was suppose to clean for me but i ended up vacuming. thanks for propping my fridge back though...even if it still leaked..haha! its all good...we chilled for a little bit...then yes...back to studying from 11-1....and now i must pack my shit!

daamn...i wasnt suppose to..but i did...i checked my grades...GRRRRRRR! i hate my grades! now i'm all down again... ; /
school sucks ass! wait...just berkeley! damn smart-asses everywhere! why cant they just go to standford?!

it was weird last night..i wasnt sleepy at all! damn weekend ruined my sleeping patterns! i studied...then got sidetracked with AIM..haha..spent the night chatting online from like 2 til 3:30 with chris cause he's gay like that and he bugs and he was the only one online to talk to..haha..sike JP...time freakin flies when youre online i swear! geez...plus my whole floor was up studying..earl taught me some religious studies..haha..so yea..didnt even feel that late...and it still took me awhile to fall asleep.

so i've been studying my ass off all day for my last final...math..the dredded subject! i'm actually learning...great! freakin goin through every word in the text book..doing a bunch of examples...hopefully i'll do well...wait...i better do well! shit! all this hardwork! i went to a review session today with sherlyn...didnt help much since he was just goin over the review problems that i already completed...so yea...then ate some dinner at the dc with sherlyn and norman...norman hella cracks me up! haha..yea..my chillen moment of the day...norman walked me back...thanks man..youre the sweetest! even though i know he was just stalling on studying..haha it's all good though. so back at the dorms i take a power nap and then its back to studying! maaan...everyone is practically done and the thought is just buggin me that i still have one more to go! grr....i cant focus knowing everyone else is chillen! geez....just ONE more day though...can't wait!

best friends are the best..thanks for the check up call!... ;> damn...still gotta shop for b-day gifts...freakin ruthie! only cause youre a best friend, even though you stink, i shall get you something for your b-day...sike..haha JP love ya! are we gonna or what?!

last night was cool..watched "crazy beautiful" with my roomates..haha a little bonding moment there! it's a pretty sweet movie and jay hernandez is pretty cute! ;> then i was suppose to study some mathematics but then chris was over here studying with earl..so yea we ended up just chillen in the lounge with drea and jorge having a "moment of darkness" haha...maan..thats some funny shit! the rain was crazy last night! geez...i wish it would go away cause its hella killing my motivation to work! today i woke up..semi-late..at 12 30...ran some errands with drea...luckily it wasnt raining cause chris still has my umbrella..and yea..came back and did laundry with esther...took us 3 freakin hours! dumb dryers don't dry for shit! haha..so we did our nails waiting for it..dumb idea cause it got messed up while i was folding my clothes..haha..its all good, it looks funny. i even started to clean my room a little bit so that when my parents drop me off in january it will me somewhat presentable! then i ate dinner with the floor...and spent the rest of the night TRYIN to learn math...grr...its so fustrating! i hate berkeley math!

oh yea...our floor smells cause jeff's room flooded with rain..ga-ross! ; /

3 more days til i'm home freee! one whole month of chillen...hell yes....! ;>

i feel MUCH BETTER NOW...thanks.. ;> i needed that

hmm...last night sherlyn tells me to go to her dorm cause everyone was gonna go...so i went with earl and jorge and abe...it was already 12..haha...but yea, we all knew we weren't gonna study anyways so why not?! they bought cheesy sticks and yea...first we started to watch "memento" but then i didnt feel like thinking so much so i made us change movies..cause i got power like that..haha...so we ended up watching "the wedding singer" and "the wedding planner"...haha i dont know why they both have the word wedding in it..but yea...and i didnt even watch either of them cause i fell asleep like always. tricia left at 8 in the mornng for the airport so we all said bye...didnt get back to my dorm til almost 9...went to sleep and woke up at 3 in the afternoon...soo bad! grr i hate that..so today was a bunch of nothing! i went to church with chris and sherlyn...met up with tiffany...then we all ate at the DC...stole two loafs of bread...and thats the end of my sunday! haha...sorry chris you had no "sundae on sundays" haha...ok the end..i shall start studying now.. ; p

so last night was pretty cool...didnt get home til like 5 (pretty early for us..hahah)..we just chilled at vin's place..had some drinks..but you know me and alcohol, BLEH! so i barely had some. we all were just chillen..relaxin from finals...we basically watched a bunch of downloaded music videos and talked. "ten fingers"...what a game...and "truth and truth"...funny how you can just open up EVERYTHING to people during these times...haha, they know SO MUCH ABOUT ME NOW!! its kinda weird...embarrassing...but its cool. what's said in the room STAYS in the room guys! the whole night was just hella chill...we needed that. madel, angelo, jells, val, and trisha left for home already...it's kinda sad...i wanna go home too! but shit...one more final...it's like i DO wanna go home...but then i DON'T...i really really am gonna miss berkeley..i promise...i've actually grown to love it. one whole month without my floor...awww...i love my floor! ok..i can't get too sad now...

geez....it's been raining nonstop since yesterday and the windy is CA-RAZY!!!

why am i left in the dark? its freakin killin me! just let me know what's goin on!!!!!!!! gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

;D HELL YEA! two freakin finals down..one more to go! f******ck i'm sooo happy right now! i worked soooo damn hard...studying my ass off forreal! and now..i'm chillen for a couple days til i have to start studying again for my last final...maan what a feelin it is to put away all your books...and notes...WHEW....one long semester but i got through it...all the midterms...papers...all nighters...TEARS..maaan oh maan...i did it...on my OWN..with the support of my friends and family...feels damn good i tell ya! ok...i'll finish bloggin later.. ; >

:*(

maaan...i can't even tell you how stressed and freaked out i am right now...im tearing and studying at the same time...and ive been studying practically 24/7....soo much damn pressure to pass...fuuuuck...where's that person when you need them the most?! im hella down right now...i haven't had a real meal in soo long...this week i can tell you that ive probably only eaten real food like twice...i'm either too tired to eat..or dont feel like eating even though i know i should and my stomach starts hurting..this ain't right...what am i doin?! i need to go home...NOW! away from school and stress...

my throat hurts...ya know how you try to hold in your cries...yea..that kind of hurt...

i'm still studying my ass off...but yea..i took a break to watch dawson's creek..once again...it makes me think about stuff...i miss my best friend....that last scene with dawson and joey made me tear...sucks...i wish i still had that "person" to talk to...when things go rough or i'm just not feeling so great about life i expect to have that person there to make things better...i guess not..."why do we always end up hurting each other? i dont' really hate you..." geez...i'm strong on my own though...life is tough but i always end up getting through it...even alone..

"don't lose sight of all the things that make you strong for the few that make you feel weak for a few moments... " says my friend..chris...haha i put it on my blog instead!

i dont know what the hell is going on with me lately...i've sooo emotional...maybe its just PMSin'? i hope so..cause i'm hella lost.. ; /

check out my colorgenics results..it couldnt have been more true...

You are a very emotional and sensitive individual. Your life and love of life is dominated by your emotions - you have great feeling towards your fellow man and you are always full of enthusiasm but be careful, you tend to let your heart rule your head and this being so, you could be easily hurt - as perhaps you may have indeed been hurt in the past.
You dislike playing the field in every sense of the word. When you develop a relationship it needs to be a close fulfilling one, one that has deep meaning for all parties concerned.
You are a very choosy person - demanding and exacting in your emotional demands and very particular in your choice of partner. You are self-sufficient and as a result of this overbearing nature you find it difficult to establish any depth of deep physical or mental involvement with members of the opposite sex.
Your willpower and stamina are in danger of being overwhelmed by excessive stress. Your resilience and tenacity have become weakened. You are feeling overtaxed, worn out and getting nowhere: but you continue to stand your ground. You feel that this unfavourable situation is an encumbrance which you could well do without and you find yourself unable to make the necessary decisions at this particular moment in time to change anything.
The tensions and stresses that you are experiencing at this time are, you feel, beyond your capabilities or your reserves of strength to cope with. You feel inadequate and in a constant state of anxiety. You are attempting to escape from this situation into a secure environment in which you may be permitted to relax and recover, free from outside interference.
You are worn out and lack both physical and mental energy. This lack of vitality has created an intolerance for any further excitement and you feel that you just cannot carry on; but you have been like that many times before and the situation passed. You again need to get away from it all - even if it is only for a little while. A relaxed body cannot contain a destructive emotion and the secret for you is to just relax.

i'm hella working hard for finals...i just hope this time i can actually get the grades to show it..forreal..cause shit, i know i be working harder than some people and they still get higher grades..wtf?! well i guess that was me in high school...but yea...just taking a break..hmm...ok, back to work! ; /

i wish friday would hurry up! ; >

it's the first week of finals...and its raining cold here in berkeley...

i woke up early to finish my paper..then turned it in...then went to eat at the gbc with sherlyn and madel...we ran into chris natividad...but didnt get to chill for too long with him cause we had to go get some stuff..ended up shopping at gap. haha...its just right across the street and we've never been in there until today! funny...we went in casue we saw all these gap bags so we figured there was a sale and sure enough there was! we all bought pants for $20! pretty cheap! then went into wet seal and footlocker and athlete's foot....geez all these stores just a hop skip and jump away from campus and the dorms! we never took the time to go in them though until today..haha...they didnt have my shoes..so i guess i'll either wait til i go home or when we go back to SF on friday...with the cute worker at lady's footlocker..haha...but yea...then went back to the dorms. sarah lit our socks on fire..its freakin sick! haha...spent an hour doing that....then we were all hungry so we decided to try and make some dinner...went to the store but didnt know what to cook...so we got some chinese food and had one big meal with the floormates in the lounge...chilled for awhile...then tried to study...and yea....a bunch of TRYING to do stuff! finals suck..ok..im stalling again..

WOW!! where do i begin? i feel like such an idiot from my last blog....cause the rest of the day was JUST AMAZING!! FRIDAY, sherlyn, madel, angelo, and i went to SF in the afternoon to shop..its a pretty nice mall...it's circular and sprirals up...not a lot of stores though. my mission was to buy shoes! haha...they were all laughing at me casue i never wear tennis shoes...so yea i'm gonna get some pumas...but then i decided to buy it later since i couldnt get that 2 for 1 deal casue sherlyn didnt have her size...so yea....but we all bought sweaters from nordstrom though...so at least i bought something! gosh..i hate shopping! ; / but it was cool shoppin with them...they hella motivate me to buy stuff..hahah! then afterwards we headed to CHINA TOWN..felt like i was in PI...haha but it was cool...SF is soooo damn beautiful at night! you don't even know! the ground was wet cause i guess it kinda rained..i felt like i was in new york cause i had my peacoat and black shoes on..haha maaan that was soo much fun! there's even a big christmas tree like the one in new york..hella cool! we got back to berkeley around 7...went to eat at the DC for the first time in years with sherlyn and madel...then we planned to watch a movie. then all of a sudden sherlyn left cause she said she forgot about her study group. so me and madel were gonna wait for her...then drea (my roomate) calls and insists on me goin to the floor meeting casue it was mandatory..i said i didnt want to go cause i was at sherlyn and madel's and i didnt wanna walk back and forth...plus a lot of people miss it anyways...but she kept pushign it so i said fine. madel said she'd walk me...then as i got off the elevator on my floor...everyone yell's SURPRISE!!! i was like... WTF?! early surprise b-day party for jenn! maaan..they hella got me! i had noo freakin clue! for the first 30 minutes i was in shock...i just kept smiling and convering my mouth. then i went around and hugged everyone. i knew we were planning a get-together on monday, but they had their ways...gosh! I FELT SOO LUCKY!..maan i have the BESTEST FRIENDS! MADEL and SHERLYN and ANGELO hella put time into this! thanks soooooooooo sooooooo much guys! i love you all! they got my WHOLE FLOOR in on it too! daaaamn...EVERYONE came out and it was HELLA COOL! drinks in 707..dancing with the strobe ligths in 710...one big floor party! gosh..it was hella fun...thanks everyone for coming...i know its finals and all but you all still came..muah! even the upper classmen came...chris nat...brian...erwin..wow! the whole night was just chiill and "freaky" haha....everyone got pretty drunk including me...and i hate alcohol! the RA came up to warn us like 5 times! but shit...we still were having a blast! sherlyn and madel slept over. i made a little mattress out of the couch pillows from the lounge for them..it was hella cool. i'll never forget that night! i feel soo loved...what did i do to deserve this? everyone was tellin me how much work madel and sherlyn put into this...and i was like damn...i know, i love them to death! thanks again!

but the party didnt stop...saturday night was the MISSION ILIO ILIO concert...a benefit concert that raised money to send medical care to the phillippines...hella cool! they had reggae, underground hip hop, comedy, hip hop dance, and the mango kings...it was a hella chill concert...then the after party at la val's...it was pretty ok...danced the whole night even though i was tired..there's some pretty weird guys out there...haha...but yea it was fun...then we all went to TOP DOG to eat cause i was hungry like a mug! shit! haha...jeff bought us hot dogs....aww, what a sweetheart! and he's cute..haha. sherlyn and i skipped the after-after party cause we are HELLA tired...maan..but i had to blog what's been happening...soo much fun! but now it's finals...grrrrrrrrr!

just got back from the ortho...my teeth are tight..

maaan...i feel soo lost right now...i'm soo down on myself again. i swear this happens to me every time after i find out my grades for a midterm or whatever...i'm tired of this cycle of happiness and fun and then all of a sudden i get to a LOW point in my life again because i feel soo lost..and i hate it cause i feel so dumb and like a baby when i'm with my friends...like i'm bringing them down all the time cause i worry a lot about my grades...cause it HELLA gets to me..so i try not to show it so much. i just keep quiet. what the hell am i doing here? what's my purpose here? in life? you can only "go with the flow" for so long...i need some direction in my life. maybe it will help me become more motivated in school instead of being so pessimistic about it all the time. so business sounds good...but am i really interested in it? grrr....I DONT KNOW! i hate CRYING over nothing..there's just too much pressure on me...to succeed...to graduate in four years...to make a lot of money...to please my parents..college is about finding yourself so i guess thats what im goin through right now..but maan it sucks! ONE EMOTIONAL RIDE!! i'm such a dork... ;*( i gotta stop crying to myself...

sorry for all that drama..but hey, it's a blog! it's what it's for...it sucks when you feel like you cant really talk to anyone cause youre afraid of sounding dumb..or maybe i do have people to talk to but then its just NOT THE SAME anymore...

"through the rain"-mariah carey
"my saving grace"-mariah carey

pretty weird day...i had so many mixed feelings...first i woke up on this last day of classes for the semester oh SO HAPPY! wow..can't believe its almost over...but yea..it's real cool how everyone claps for the professor at the end. haha..ok..so anyways..get back to my dorm after lunch at GBC and start to clean out my drawers and stuff....tryin to be productive...oh yea, i saw my kuya for the first time in a long while while crossing the street..haha we stopped in the middle to hug each other. i miss hangin and laughing with him. i guess we're all too busy these days. but yea...i was soo bored so i just watched some TV and chilled by myself since everyone was at classes still....but then sarah came and we had a good talk about stuff..life, school, she's soo cool. i love that girl...then lora comes in saying that my parents bought me one of those "FINAL SURVIVAL KITS"..haha...that hella took me by surprise cause you know how pilipinos aren't really into buying that shit...but yea..so i go pick it up and i start to tear...my mom and brother wrote a little note...(its word for word)

"hello-darius obaña"
"Dear jenn, good luck to your final exams. take extra time to study, reading is the key to success. we know you can do it. we love you. dad,mom,christine, edwin, and dariius"

maan that made me tear just re-writitng it and even everytime i read it...why am i so sad? cause...geez...school is one TOUGH BITCH! i CAN'T dissappoint my parents...i just cant..it's soo fustrating that i have to tell them that i'm having trouble in school...maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!! that brought me down...

but anyways..today was the last PAA meeting..we had halo halo and played a bunch of games, kinda like a tournament with all the classes..taboo, connect four, and even saved by the bell trivia...i didnt know such a game exists! haha...so that was lots of fun. then back at the dorm..i chatted with the girls..gossip like we always do...talk about guys and how we're lonely up here...haha...well me and esther at least. but yea..then we got all excited cause we wanted to dye our hairs...maaan i was soo down! but then everyone was like..." no you have nice hair..blah blah..." so i chickened out AGAIN! geez...i soo need a change. i have to look more college-like. for sure i gotta cut my hair winter break...but we'll see...i might change my mind again. haha...ok, anyways..spent a while taken pics with earl for the website...haha maan they're soo funny! THEN.. esther and i talk about guys AGAIN...gets us hella down cause we're soo loneley...maan....why are all the good ones taken here?! ; / there's only soo many guys at CAL! so now i'm all sad or not sad cause i dont really NEED anyone....but yea...i dont know...so thats why i decided to blog...BLEH! and i plus im homesick again cause of my parents...maan i just wanna sit at home again with the family and do nothing...

i was having a great day..i studied til late last night for my nutri sci midterm...then woke up early to study more. and on top of that i had a cold that came out of no where! maan...wtf are we doin having a midterm at the end of the term?! it's already our last week of classes! shiiiiiiiiiiit! i took the test and acutally felt pretty good about it. i knew the last few questions were kinda tough for me though. but i thought i'd at least pull off a B... so anyways....once that was over with, we had our last PASOC class...aww..i love that class. it was so much fun and i learned a lot about pilipinos. it was kinda sad. well anyways...we had to perform for our last project in front of everyone at the last PASS meeting...that was hella cool. we did a skit...last minute...worked til 1 last night practicing but it was fun. so when we performed it was all good...everyone was laughing..haha..dang that was HELLA FUN! good job guys! we are the best! maaan oh maan...good times! so yea..anyways, i come back...checked out the new pis on the floor website...then checked my email...i was bored so reviewed the answer key for the midterm...another C! WTF?! gooooooooooooosh! i hate schoool...i'm tired of seeing Cs! i hate Cs....when will my hard work studying ever gonna pay off?! shit! its like...why bother? im not gonna get an A anyways....geeeeeeez...college...tough shit! maaan....college is surely not my thing. it's like no matter how hard i study..it aint gonna do shit! i feeel soooo dumb! and then my parents..geez, i hate disappointing them...i never in my life had a problem in school...why now? why am i at berkeley?! someone please tell me!!! ;*(

back at berkeley...so here's how the break went..

thanksgiving was fun...my mom cooked brunch then we headed to my cousin's house for dinner. yes, lots and lots of food! dang...i eat too damn much! and it shows...my whole family says i "gained weight"...which isnt so bad cause i know i was skinny but it just sucks to hear it and have it pointed out to you all freakin day! i chilled with the family..played cards..ate again..haha...it was fun

friday kinda sucked...didnt get up early to go to MCRD with my mom and sis...sa-wear like i was gonna leave the house at 5AM! i hate shopping anyways...its not my thing...but yea, i was suppose to chill with everyone that night but then san diego weather took a turn and it rained and thundered in the afternoon and the evening...my dad wouldnt let me drive in the rain...and i wouldnt wanna drive in the rain at night anyways...but yea...so i just stayed home all day and played with my bros..caught up on MTV and the real world..

saturday we went shoppin at fashion...i bought jeans...that made me sad...(dont ask me why)...i was supposed to buy shoes...but i hate shopping so i didnt really look for any...my mom got mad at me cause i never want to buy anything...haha, isnt that funny? afterwards we went to comissary...maan oh maan did i buy food! shit...my dorm looks like a mini mart! i had one whole suitcase filled with food...thats how i get fat!

later that night my parents let me out to see my friends...they even extended my curfew til 1! haha...thats big stuff for me! and i still came home 30 minutes later (like always so i guess they expect it from me already)..its weird having that set time to go home...but yea...i was all good...got to chill with ruthie and the guys at rommels house...went to some party and saw leigh anne there and i guess jelly went there afterwards but i didnt see her...pretty chill night but it was fun seeing EVERYONE again and everyone looked pretty good...great last night in san diego ;>

the trip back was freakin funny...haha..after some MINOR complications! haha...wasnt as sad as the first time...i guess i grew up...things change...plus i know i'll be back in no time...3 weeks to be exact! so its alll good!

i have to admit though...i missed berkeley...and when im in berkeley i miss home...

wow...i'm at home! feeels soo good! but it's also weird. it feels like i never left but then everything looks different to me. i dont know if that makes sense..but yea...maan when we landed i was all smiling and yelling and jumpin around and shit...but then...f*ckN i got a phone call that pissed the f*ck out of me...if i'm over it, why cant she be? daaang...grr i hate that. it totally killed my ride home...it aint gonna ruin my whole stay here though..

today i went to MORSE to do some outreaches for PASS....it looks soo different! it was nice seeing all my old teachers and bein in ASB again. even ms scarborough, who i thought hated me cause i always messed around, was glad to see me. or maybe she was just being nice? haha...oh well...she seemed glad and that's all that matters. plus she's real blunt so if she didnt like me then it would have shown...hah, dang i went on about that..

but yea...reaching out to the seniors and talking about college and stuff was really fun. you feel soo old. i remember in high school when old students came to visit the teachers..i would always look up to them..and now i'm the one getting the visitor's pass...and talking about my college experiences...how weird!

ok yea...the end..happy thanksgiving everyone!

it's ONE week at cal...ONE love, ONE struggle, ONE purpose...where all the minorites come together and build bridges over gaps that keep us apart and become united...

interesting week...

tues...met yes

wed...went to ONE mic (open mic)..very interesting..DEEEP...i totally felt the spoken words ..stayed up til 4 am to finish my book

thurs...free "hot chick" screening...met rob schneider and his PILIPINO mom! haha... and got autographs ..got my thesis down

fri...senior show...GRIPPA funny! ..then "freshmen gathering"...thanks to chris natividad...had soooo much fun..at the "after party"..hahah...once again didnt sleep til 7...gosh! i hate that!

sat-tues...writing a paper!

ps..sorry aaron i'm not goin to sadies anymore...promise i'll make it up!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! we met YES! daaamn..thanks to jelly for calling us up with the qucikness! ;> haha...what a moment! now...gotta find malik..even if jelly already saw him...

i got "friday after next" tickets...but i'm not going..damn paper..i have to start doin things the right way!

wow...long time no blog! it's been a GRIPPA busy lately! geez..where do i start! all i've been doin is playing..i need to start getting serious about my paper..it's comin up pretty fast! hmm...here's what's been up...so i was auctioned off at the PAA date auction on friday..haha..what an experience! it was pretty fun! but damn..now i'm broke off my ass! f****ck! i bought chris..maan, i guess i got caught up in the hype...it's all good though...it's for the veterans! then i chipped in with the girls and drea and bought chris and "special" ed...and aaron bought me, what a guy!..how nice! thanks a lot maan! i soo appreciate it! ;> so that was that...loads of fun! afterwards we ate at mcdonalds..MmmmMMM...oh and some bum yelled at us. i swear i though he was gonna hold us hostage!but anyways...we then headed to mike's party...we were dead tired and had to wake up early the next morning..but we still went cause we're just like that. it was kinda wack...soo hot and musty in the room and the DJ was "eh"...then we went to sherlyn and madel's cause it was only 1 and no one wanted to go home. but then stupid...they all left and it was just jelly, chris, and me. i fell asleep during "13 ghosts"..no surprise there! haha. so i didnt sleep til like 5. woke up late at 7:40...had to be at FED (filipino empowerment day) high school conference at 7 45..but freakin no one was even there after i rushed out and ran my ass to campus...geez...i hate that. it was a GRIPPA tiring! i was there from 8-4..but it had its good moments...spoken words and a workshop on pilipino parents and their children..pretty deep dude..i teared...then we took brian and viv to the DC..chilled with some pretty cool guys from davis..and headed off to the PAA rollerskating thing..freakin 8 bucks! shit! and you know i got tired after the first 10 minutes! then we went to inn n' out in union city..MmmmMmm..felt like mission valley. played mind games on the way back..took me the whole 30 minutes to figure out that damn number stuff! but yea...ive had to much fun. now i gotta work on that damn 10 pager!

today we BSed a presentation on freakin vegans..they're soo boring! i missed 2 classes cause i was napping. i stayed up til 5 to finish that shit. then had a PASS meeting and took bayani to the DC for the first time...haha, he had too much fun. the end of my long update on my life...now its maaad poli sci crunch time! ; /

home in ONE week! yesss!

the past two days have been soo much fun! you dont even know! so what have i been up to you might be wondering? well...COOKING! hell yea.....! on sunday, jelly had some left over meat from something that she was going to return but i suggested we cook it and have a lil party...we cut it up and marinated it to make some BIPSTEK! then sherlyn, madel, and i got inspired and decided to go back to safeway and get some real STEAK and POTATOES to cook that night since we had to wait for the bipstek to marinate...maan....we we're soo proud! we had our little rice, fruits, and such to go with it....maan oh maan was that stuff good! everything was all nicely fixed in sherlyn's little kitchen...hahah...aaron and chris joined us and we had soo much fun eating this home-cooked meal and watching 7th heaven..haha...it felt like home! we got soo excited! and tonight we had the BIPSTEK...wow...we are soo bomb! you feel all adult when you look at the food you prepared. it's like...i went to the store to get that, i prepared it, and i cooked it all by myself! shows how capable and ready we are for our apartment! shiiiit! ya know?! daang..we had soo much fun cooking that! i even dropped the honey dew at the store..hahaha...well actually the plastic broke and madel just stood there laughing! sheesh..i was soo embarrassed! sure we had to " barrow" stuff or well...A LOT of stuff from the DC...but it's all good! haha... and i almost got caught up making chris's sandwich, good thing the guy was a GRIPPA cool and let me go...we even chatted a little bit...dang that scared me though!

tonight was a GRIPPA fun! jelly was down on midterms..and ya know we're here to cheer her up! we ended up dancing all night, laughing, and what not...chris came over later that night to eat and chill...gosh...these good times just keep on coming! i love it! life is great and berkeley is scoring more and more points each day! ;>

i'm bored...stalling on homework actually...this weekend was pretty dead. everyone went home for the 3 day weekend. i wish i could go home! sheeesh! but anyways..last night we skipped Theatre Rice and went to dinner with "kuya" jerald and ali instead. we ate at the Thai House..good food...and yea...chilled a little bit at madel and sherlyn's. all ive been doing is reading...trying to get this book done so i can start on that horrible 10 page paper! grrr...! the thought just kills me! tonight was pretty fun. ate dinner with the girls...then we all walked jelly to her chem midterm review cause it was pretty far into campus. we were a GRIPPA (notice how i'm gonna stop saying "hella!") scared cause it was soo dark and so we sang aloud all the way there to keep us busy..haha..yea we're dorks. so we get there like half and hour late and i ended up staying with jelly for that 3 hour midterm review! it wasn't soo bad though...saw a really cute guy..jelly didnt think i could find one but i sure did! haha...too bad he left early so we couldnt talk to him. but anyways...we tried walking back to the dorms but ended up scaring the shit out of ourselves cause it's soo dark and forresty on campus and there's this scary ass statue right in the middle of a bunch of trees. we called chris and he walked all the way over to pick us up and walk us back...awwww....what a sweetheart! sacrificing his dinner and all! haha...and yea...we all went to church at 10 together. and thats the end of my oh so great weekend! no school tomorrow...yeaaaa! ;>

so what's been goin on in berkeley? freakin RAIN, RAIN, and COLD! good thing i got my care package! haha..ahh family, they're the best! thursday i went to the free screening of "8 mile"...i thought it was EH..haha, it was just a bunch of fighting and battling...its a guy movie. i seriously thought it was about eminem's life but i guess it wasn't. i thought it was more of a comedy with "a little much" on the sex scenes...haha you'll see what i mean if you watch it! but i wouldn't pay to go see it..just download it! ;p

so friday was sherlyn's birthday...maaan..what a TRIP! another all-nighter! we had a little get-together in their dorm with "drinks." gosh...she is the funniest person to watch drunk! hahahaha...maan, good times! i'm such a wuss...i hate smirnoff! i freakin bought that for everyone and couldn't even finish one bottle! BLEH! it tastes like sprite MY ASS! but once the vodka came..i downed it like nothing...i don't know...i'm weird like that. but yea, it was real cool. everyone all dancing..lap dances..games...and other stuff..HAHA. geez...and i wasn't even tipsy at all...i drank all that nasty shit for nothing! but its okay cause i still had the best time...i love laughing with my girls! slowly people started to leave cause they had stuff to do the next day..jelly, chris, and i ended up "sleeping" there..all on madel's bed cause sherlyn was sheisty..(JP)..haha, we just kept talking and watched parts of "a walk to remember." we WERE gonna watch the sun rise but i guess there was none cause of the clouds..hahaha. i was "A GRIP OF" awake...(jelly and i made that word FIRST chris!!)..sorry guys i kept making noises while you were sleeping! haha.. but yea..we went home at 7 in the morning cause jelly had a conference to go to...another fun night to remember at berkeley!

now i gotta do homework.. ; /

today was freakin great! i was soo ENLIGHTENED! first i headed off to the SLC with gabby to get some help on what i should do about math since its killing me...they gave me some really good suggestions...i also talked to a lot of peer advisors..people who have been there, done that. it feels soo good to know that i'm not the only one out there cause that's how ive been feeling. i felt soo much better! ;>

PASOC was the same..today's topic was family. we did skits and stuff so it was fun...then we got personal. we did a "fish bowl" which is basically a DEEP discussion on certain issues that affect you personally..things like pressures on being a guy/girl, pressures on going to school...etc. its was real cool...turns out we're all feeling the same pressures in life. everyone shared something and you just HELLA feel them and what they're goin through...maan...it came at good time too since i was all down on my midterms and such. there were even little tears here and there..it was a real good "let out" session...(SIGH...)

now all i need in my life is DIRECTION....HOW am i gonna end up? WHERE am i gonna end up? and doing WHAT?! argh..so fustrating! ;

maan...midterms killed my high! ;*( gosh....i remember the days when i used to be soo smart...back in high school, things were soo easy for me. i barely studied and got my A's one after another...in berkeley i STUDY MY ASS OFF and cant even get the grades to show for it... WTF?! daaamn...i hate college. i wanna go back to the simple days of morse high. even if things didnt seem so simple back then...i'd give anything to regain the feeling of an "A"....ahhh yess...the feeling of being smart again. i feel like such a dumbass at berkeley...! grrr...what am i doin here?! i wanna sue the idiot who admitted me! yea yea..i know, i can't be soo pessimistic...but what am i suppose to think?! i'm at a low again...cryin my eyes out...why is college soo hard for me?! did i lose half my brain over the summer? i don't know...

i called my sister today ballin...maan...she was a big help though...made me look on the brighter side of things...thanks big sis! dang..she's so nice to me...i have to be nicer to her, or at least try not to bug her purposely...haha...i cried to my dad too...gosh..im such a disppointment...i'm soo sorry..

..on a higher note, i got tickets to the screening of "8 miles"..yea!! (fake happy...)

this week was full of nothing but studying, fun, new exeriences, and NO SLEEP!

round 2 midterms are OVER!!! hell yea! two midterms in a row...piece of cake! ;p i studied my ass off for them....especially math! freakin up til 3:30 in the morning for my 8:00 midterm...fudge! i dont know how i did...hopefully good cause i KNOW i worked hard. but yea...the same night was halloween...everyone was planning to go to CASTRO..this gay and lesbian district in SF that's kinda like new orleans mardi gras..i guess its the place to be on halloween. so i went with a bunch of us..sherlyn, madel, and i dressed up as nerds with these dorky hats, glasses, and suspenders..i felt NERDY..haha but anyways...we took the bart over there..and thats a story of its own. maaan was that shit packed! it was a sea of people getting to the same place...unknown bodies and body parts pressing up against you and all up in your face! ga-ross! but it was hella fun..i just kept laughing and falling down cause the bart was soo shaky. sherlyn cracks me up..haha...so when we finally got to SF, we had to walk a couple blocks to get there..not so bad. SF was packed. the castro was freakin crazy! everyone's all dressed up and drunk off their asses. bottles everywhere...it was kinda scary but an experience to definetly remember! we were sober..but next year we know that to have fun at castro you gotta be drunk! ;p we ran into random folks from berkeley..that was cool. we basically just walked up and down looking at people. there's people here and there making out and what not..haha..by 1 we were hella tired already..decided to catch the bus home since we missed the bart. but we ended up walking miles and miles (literally) to the bart since the buses were already packed. and we were "A GRIP OF HELLA" hungry! so we ate at denny's....that was fun. i kept laughing. actually the whole night i was laughing...i'm on a high of my own! so we finally get on the bart at like 4...got back at 5, walked around campus scaring ourselves, then since no one was sleepy...had a movie morning! haha..half us fell asleep though.."the ring" in japenese..ooOohh...haha. so we all went home at 7 30 in the morning..thank god i didnt have classes. i felt bad for the people that did though..so thats the end of halloween 2002..lots of fun and very tiring!

Friday night...BOWLES PARTY!! it's supposedly "the party" of the year...and maan oh maan it sure was! it was at the bowles dorm..the nice all guy dorm that looks like a castle...where the whole hall building was basically converted into a party house. ever seen those crazy college parties on tv and in movies? thats EXACTLY how it was...it was sooo packed! people chillen in other people's rooms..smoking...drinking...alcohol passed out freely everywhere..there were thousands of people there. hella crazy!! i lost the group and ended chillen just me and sarah with these guys in the dorm room. his dorm had a freakin patio type deal...we chilled out there looking at the beautiful view of the city and the stars...ahhhh...it was soo chiiil. we danced here and there...it was actually too packed to even move around. we spent most of the time in the dorm. i left early at 1 cause i was hella tired and i had to bring back some of my floormates who were "out of it." ahh...dang..hella crazy shit..

thats the end of the week...no more partying for me...im all partied out..i have to start working on my 10 page paper...but first i must read the book...haha...sorry that was long..pace!

SIGH....while everyone's having the time of their lives at friendship games..here's what ive been up to for my weekend stuck at berkeley...

FRIDAY was actuallly HELLA fun! had to wake up early for 2 outreaches...i went with madel and joel. they were wack though...not much showed up and the students had no interest whatsoever in our presentation. we'll see who ends up in college! shiiit! sike..haha JP! we ate mcdonalds for lunch...dayam mcdonalds never tasted soo great! thats the first time i've eaten there in forever! i had a chicken nugget meal and a chicken sandwich...wow! that's a whole lot for me. i'm getting fatter...oh well! ; > then we chilled in my room for a long while..outreaches tire you out! then we ate dinner with the guys. and with nothing to do at the moment..we took aaron's suggestion and checked out this little choir performance goin on on campus. it was 5 bucks! and it was only half good...oh well...i somewhat enjoyed myself...at least the songs i knew..but yea, anyways..there was a frat thing goin on at Kip's...i wanted to go to dance but i guess none of us wanted to pay. so i chilled with sherlyn and madel at their place for awhile. i headed back to my dorm around 12:30 and chilled with sarah and her friends from san jose. it was HELLA fun...her friend complimented me and said i was cute..she was a girl, but still, i was flattered! haha..but yea...everyone got high. it was weird...everyone laughs a lot and just looks soo happy..haha..we watched jeff play his guitar and we all sang songs together..it was great! the guitar is soo pretty to listen to....it was real chill....didnt go back to my room til like 3:30. drea got back from her sorority thing and lora was about to leave in an hour for irvine. it was cool...roomate bonding moment! we laughed and talked about a lot of "deep, personal" stuff. drea and i tried to stay up but ended up drifting off to sleep around 4:30...but we said our byes. i had lots of fun...laughed a lot so it was definetly good!

saturday...i woke up at 1...wasted half the day! talked to my cousin and susan on the phone....free weekends! haven't talk to them in awhile so it was good. then i went with madel and sherlyn to stroll around shattuck. i tried to look for some winter clothes..didn't find any though. i think walking around made me sicker...cause now i feel like shit! we ate sushi for dinner...Mmmm..delicious!

today i just plan to study, and do homework and laundry...i took nyquil...its green..took me a good 15-20 minutes to actually swallow it...i hate medicine! ; /

maan oh maan am i feeling sick! headache...stuffy nose...soar throat...jeez! yesterday i felt so nasty. i bought some gummi rings cause i had a craving them for some reason. they didn't have gummi worms...those are better. then i went to my classes...PASOC was very enlightening today. we discussed the struggles of pilipino veterans who still to this day don't have the veteran benefits they deserve and also all the airport screeners that are being deported for not being citizens. it sucks that they're being discriminated for not being citizens...but will becoming a citizen really make them do a better job than they already are doing? that's just a lame excuse...it really seems like they're blaming them for the 9/11 attack..as if it was their fault the terrorists brought weapons aboard. duuumb stuff....

after class i skipped the FED (filipino empowerment day) meeting because i wasnt feeling too well. i slept for like an hour then got up to watch dawson's creek and the bachelor. aaron came by last night to chill for a little bit around 11...it was cool. i wasn't feel so great and i didnt' know how to entertain him so i just gave him my yearbook to look at...haha, sorry if it was boring maan! but yea...he made me a "get well card" which is soo sweet! :) no one ever made me anything like that before...so thanks again! i appreciate it...

in honor of pilipino visibilty week, today was pilipino ditch day...i didnt' have any classes to ditch though. it was real cool...everyone was out in front of Dwinelle and we had guerilla theater..skits on a couple of pilipino history events that we may not know about.such as...did you know that the number one export of the philippines is women? wow...that freakin sucks to know! anyways..the whole purpose of the week was to fight for pilipino american studies on campus...we have yet to have our own class based on our very own culture. without this class...how will we ever know about our people's history? we got a lot of attettion and people to sign the petition...so hopefully things will finally go through soon..we've been fighting for this for awhile now

i had a good talk with becky today about stuff...yea...i felt better...seems like i'm goin through what she STILL IS goin through... ;(

one midterm down....two more to go...poli sci wasn't that bad actually. i just felt rushed cause there was soo much writing to do for each question..so yea, i'm feeling pretty good. it's starting to get really cold over here...i need some jackets! gosh...i'm totally NOT a nor cal folk! i hate gloomy weather...but yea, anyways...brian was at my dorm today coincidently...so we all went to the PASS office for a little bit then went to inn n' out..brian drove. but i didn't buy anything..i had to control myself from spending money! it took awhile getting there with all that traffic..didn't get back til like 6:30..then we stayed at the office again and chilled with the people over there playing a game...jelly and i watched gilmore girls at sherlyn and madels and "attempted" to do work, but didnt'...got back around 11:30...made a call, chilled with earl and jorge, and now im here...tired as ever! sooo goodnight all! oh yea..i'm feeling sick.... ;( i'm the worse person to be sick cause i start to complain a lot and keep to myself..haha..i hope i don't get too sick!

today was a day of nothing! maan...i have a midterm on tuesday that i should be studying for. and i am...trying to...but then i slept most of the day..my roomate was asleep so i guess that made me sleepy..haha..dumb i know. then i went to church. i had fun there...haha..i was watching these little boys that sat near us...they were soo cute! i kept laughing cause they were running around and touching all these random people..haha..i love kids! i could watch them forever! i wish i could skip through college, get married, and have kids already...ha..okay i'm dumb right now...anyways...after church we ate dinner with chris and aaron...chris is from eastlake...another SD head! yeaaa!.. then we chatted for awhile and then went to bear market. we always end up spending an hour or more at the DC...it's called stalling from doing homework! and now...its study time! midterms are such a bitch!

gosh what a freakin night! dayam...i never thought i would drink enough to throw up! the parties were fun. the first one we got there like around 12 cause we waited for AJ to arrive from SD. but then the cops came so we just left and went to erwins. we traveled in big groups so it was all good...right when we got there everyone was of course already drunk out of their minds. i took two shots right away with jelly, and even madel and sherlyn. hahah...it was their first time and they're HELLA funny drunk! then erwin mixed me one and it was hella good...i had sips of his beer and then drank another shot that me and jelly took from sherlyn cause she tried to sneak another one. she was waaay too tipsy to have another shot. i, on the other hand, was straight up chiiiiilen on the couch...didn't feel tipsy or drunk at all. sure i was laughing a lot and dancing here and there..but i wasnt' acting crazy like sherlyn and madel. then when we were chillen in the rooms...i started to lay down on the bed and slowly drift to sleep...everyone told me to get up..so i did...and ran to the bathroom to start "yakking"...ga-ross! everyone got worried...aww..so loved! they kept feeding me water..i've never drank so much water at one time in my life! so we walked home..i slept at sherlyn and madel's...they took such good care of me when i was on the toilet! haha, thanks guys soo much! and AJ for getting me water, jelly for keeping me sane, and leighanne for guiding me walking home...gosh..i was such an IDIOT for having all that..and now that i think about it..i took all those drinks within an hour or less....grrrrrrrrr....soo stupid! now i never wanna drink again! or at least not that much..fuuuck...that night and after morning was hell! why would you wanna drink anyways? it tastes nasty and it makes you throw up!...BLEH!

it's homecoming weekend here...we won the game against ucla..YEA! there's lots of alumni and parents visiting...it's soo lively on the streets..you can feel the excitment everywhere you go! haha..but yea...thats it. i need sleep...hardcore studying tomorrow! midterms coming up... ; /

whoops..didn't blog last night...too busy i guess..dang, and i stayed up soo late again! oh well...so here's how thursday went..i woke up late so i missed my 8:00 class..haha, oh well, i know plenty of people in there so getting notes won't be that hard. then i went to poli sci..not soo bad. i stayed up and class was really quick. then we ate at the golden bear cafe and i ran errands with jelly while the others were at class...very tiring walking around. i should have taken a nap, but my dumbass didn't. i chilled with PASS again flyering about the I-HOTEL. haha..that was fun..TEAM SD prevailed! thats 5 people killed! damn..we rock guys! then chilled at the PASS office...wow, it really has become a second home! it's just always fun cause theres always people chillin in there...but maan..i was soo tired! i tried taking a nap but it didnt' work. people on my floor are soo comedy! "free greenland!!" haha...yea, whatever.

the I-Hotel presentation was soo good! tear-jerking i might add...it was really tough to watch the protesters and manongs get abused. it sucks that i had no idea this thing even existed. for those of you who don't know, the International Hotel was a building in SF that housed the first pilipinos to come to america...the manongs. they lived in the building for years but the city of SF wanted to destroy the building in order to make room for a parking lot. after years of struggles and protests to be recognized..the pilipinos were evicted from their homes and forced to move somewhere else. there was also a q&a by a panelists of pilipinos who were directly involved in the fall of the I-Hotel...very deep stuff...i'm glad i'm gaining more knowledge about "my people"...

i got home around 8:30...my plan was to sleep early since i haven't really had much sleep lately but then my floor had drinks...i had a shot and they got HELLA drunk...wow..crazy night! but yea...don't wanna get too much into that. it was really bad. i ended staying up til 2 talking online...it was good though...

party tonight! woohoo! ;)

another long day in my life...ahh....i'm soo tired and lazy right now, but i feel like blogging...here goes..it may be long. or maybe i'll just end up getting lazy and cutting it short. haha..we'll see..

so i wake up early to go to a PASS outreach at 10...(that's where we go to different high schools and give presentations on higher education and tips about colleges and what not) so yea..that was hella fun. i went with madel, tiffany, and chris n. the high school was in san jose..so we all drove over there. it's weird seeing high school again...they seem so young! and you think..."dayam, was i like that?!" haha..you feel all old and mature! but it feels good to talk to these kids and share your experiences and stuff...it was real cool talkin to them. its like they all look up to you...what a feeling! it was really great! afterwards chris took us to this mexican place called "casa vikky" or something rather..that he claims to be the best place in california..even better than SD! but yea riiight! nothing beat's lolita's chris! it was alright...expensive but they do give you large portions! so yea...that was cool. we talked about relationships in the car...maan..car talks are the best! i miss being the driver! chris opened up about his life...so did tiffany...no time to share my crazy life! haha! ahhh yes...that was fun!

afterwards...got back around 3:15..we were kinda late for nutri sci lecture so madel and i missed that...that's two lectures in a row! maan...thank God for webcasts though! ;) so we just went to the PASS office..chilled with good ol' brian and jona and everyone else in there...soo much fun just hanging with people like that! of course the relationship talk came up again....dayam...i've had soo much of those and nothing to contribute except my life of dramas..! maybe some day it will be something good....(sigh) haha...then chilled with brian some more...got food for the PASS meeting that we missed cause of the food...and yea...thats pretty much it. it was DANG cold today! san jose was nice though...like SD..i swear i need a new wardrobe! i won't survive in my tanks and halters and slippers in this weather! gosh! i need the sun!

it was kinda late already but i didn't wanna go home yet so I went over to madel and sherlyn's to watch dawson's creek...something joey said reminded me of...yea...she said..."we've hurt each other soo much that maybe we just need to let go"...i don't know, something like that. but yea...thats how it goes! aaron came over too to get some help on math....hmm...and i guess that's it. i got home at 11...dayam that was a long day....of chillen and "bonding" with the guys... ; )! haha

oh yeah...erwin called...so i guess i am gonna go to his "thing" on friday...yea! something to look forward to!

the end..goodnight..PS...sherlyn and madel...we stick together! freshmen's alike alright?! and NO i am not what you think i am! ;p so stop saying it!

hoooray! i finally got my "care package" from home! wooohooo! i'm soo happy! my family sent me some food and my new CELL! it feels good to have one again. even though i''ve actually survived without one, i found out that i don't really need one...i only like to have it "just in case." really...no one calls me and there's no one to call anyways right?...so i guess i'm pretty safe with my cell phone bill not going over again! haha

today i went to my new ortho...it's a pretty nice place and they're all really nice, not too far but i did have to take the bus. i was all scared riding over there by myself. i hate riding the buses....it seems soo "BLEH!" all these strangers around me...i just don't like it. people are scary on the bus too...

after i got back..madel and i went to see if she got her box and sure enough she did..hooray! we all got our packages today! haha..ok, we're dorks like that. then we went to the PASS office...everyone was chillen so it was fun. we actually did some work today too...ASASSINS is soo fun! i wanna kill my person already but she's never around...TEAM SD all the way! we got this in the bag!

I'm sleepy...but i can't seem to fall asleep..no more coffee for me!

wow, long time no blog! i guess i've been so busy with school and what not...i've been studying MY ASS OFF for the past two days prepping for a poli sci study group since we have a midterm coming up. TWO STRAIGHT DAYS...in my dorm...reading and writing notes! seriously....dayam, never before have i done that! i even slept at 3 in the AM. wow...i feel soo proud, soo relieved, soo ACCOMPLISHED! (SIGH - a good one!) ;) i'm soo glad i'm getting my act straight...ive actually been "HELLA" studying "A GRIP!" haha ;p i'm shaping up pretty good...

hmm...so..other than that..nothing has been goin on..oh, i had a great convo with my "OLBF" (thats best friend and NOT boyfriend! ;p) last night..HAHA...made me think about stuff...relationships...life..hmm...but yea, thats it!

PS...my box that my mom sent me still hasn't come and it's been a week! :*( maan..what's up with all the mail mans in the world?!

okay...so i did end up coming home last night...haha...the guys on my floor are the sweetest in the world! even after i told them i was fine at sherlyn and madel's...they still came over around 4:30 in the morning to pick me up and walk me back to our dorms...awwww..luv ya guys! "i felt the love tonight.." hahaha....they're soo funny, they walked in a circle around me so i was "extra protected." it's actually pretty calming at night..the night air feels nice ;) and now...i need to sleep more...i'm freakin tired! theatre rice tonight! yea! can't wait!

Hmm..what a long ass day! i got up around 10 and woke up madel. we headed over to the golden bear cafe and ate lunch with our kuya jerald at sproul. then we all went over to the PASS office to work, but ended up chillen and talkin...not very good! my friend erwin invited me over to his apartment for a little "shin dig" on friday..who knows if i'll go...they're all older heads...and i'm a little freshman! haha..but yea, then off to youth mentorship! ;) i love working with little kids...reminds me of when i taught pre-schoolers in high school.

maan oh maan..was that a trip! the kids are soo adorable! we volunteer at FEC (Filipino Educational Center) ..they were K-5th graders..and they all have little fobby accents..haha...they're soo funny! my favorite is this little guy named aaron...what a character! well actually...they're all little characters! we played games and played outside...there was also this little chubby named telulah, one of the kids' little sisters. wow..i was "hella" tired. we were there from 3:30-5:30..that totally wore me out!

afterwards we went over to daly city with corry mae, melissa, kat, and madel to eat at this thai bbq place...maan that was some tasty food! more money spent though....gosh i hate spending money on food...its all i buy these days! but yea...that was fun.

then...we went over to aaron's to pick him for our "chick flick" night and headed to madel's..but decided to go back to his place since he was goin home in like 30 minutes. he had a pretty nice...CLEAN dorm! waaay better than ours! definetly! he showed us all his high school pictures and stuff. it was pretty cool..i had fun! ..the only weird thing was that EVERYONE on his floor were staring at me and madel...hmm...was i that ugly?! haha...but yea..he's a pretty cool guy..;p

so here I am...4:30 in the morn blogging cause i'm still at sherlyn and madel's. i fell asleep earlier and they were gonna walk me back to my dorm...BUT it was like 3 already and we started to run..saw some guy walkin toward us and ran our little asses back. and on the way back some white guy called us hooligans and told us to go home...they ran faster and being soo out of shaped..i just lagged behind laughing my ass off. the whole situation was funny! haha...maan..we are comedy together guys! the end of my day... ;D

today was very productive! yea! i went to my morning classes and didn't feel sleepy at all...that was soo great! haha. then i came back..tried to take a nap, but i couldn't fall asleep for whatever reason..i don't know. then sherlyn and madel came over...we went to the PASS office to get our asassin stuff...then chilled out on sproul for a little bit with ali and mark and this one chick...i forgot her name. afterwards we went to futura to check out some shirts for sherlyn and then headed to their dorm and chilled for a little bit...then i walked back to the dorms by myself. dayam it was cold outside! and to think i wore a skirt yesterday...thank god i washed the rest of my clothes! nice, fresh, clean jeans are the best! ; ) madel and sherlyn came back here for dinner..haha, you guys are soo cool! the night was spent watching friends, and actually READING! yes...i read..im soo freakin proud of myself! i was starting to feel BLEH cause i realized how much time i spend doin nothing..or online. haha..so seriously...i'm sooo gonna study every night now ...yes..i can do it!

i ran into that one cute jr guy that i thought was soo hot the first weeks i was here...he's pretty cool...we chatted a bit...and thats the end of it. i barely see him around so it was good talkin to him again.

funny shit of the day: when we were walkin down the street to sherlyn and madel's dorm i was talkin about having to go back early to do laundry..and for some reason i put up my wrist and looked at it as if i had a watch on and said "yea...i should be back by 4"...hahah wtf is that? i felt soo stupid cause i didn't realize it til after i did it and i was just looking at my hand! haha...pretty duuumb jenn! i've never even worn a freakin watch...weeird!

Hmmm...nothing much again today. me and madel missed our tabling hours for PASS cause she was running late...haha. its okay though, we can make it up easily. so we just chilled with earl in his room til our 3:00 class....nutri sci...what a drag! then we had PASOC until 6..which isn't really much of a class to me. its more of for your own benefit or even a privelage to learn about our pilipino culture. i was soo tired afterwards though. we skipped the PASS intern meeting...but now i wish we kinda went. we're gonna play that game assasine...(is that how you spell it? i don't know...i'm too tired to think) but yea....whatever. I even slept through dawson's creek...i don't think it was even a great episode anyways. so its all good. then i chatted here and there....then i tried to make jeff learn how to play "more than words" on the guitar for me...i love that song! but it didn't go so great...hahah. and now...yea...i feel bad for not doin any homework tonight...maybe i'll read a chapter now...haha ;p

I just got back from the library with sherlyn, madel, and aaron...haha, WHOA~ that's pretty big for me. ive never been to the library to study..haha. at first it was weird...i was just sitting there..isolated from everyone in those little desks with dividers...i started to do work..then madel and sherlyn start passing notes...haha, i felt like i was in high school. it was funny..we kept laughing. after awhile..we calmed down and i did a lot of reading and got some homework done...i'm soo proud of myself! the library really does force you to work. i should go there more often!

my morning classes were such a drag! i was falling asleep..maan! it sucks. so when i got back i took a long ass nap for like 3 hours...ahhh that felt good! then madel came over and we chilled while the rest went to the gym. (we're not working out kind of people! haha) and yea...thats the end of my day. not so exciting..but a lot of laughing...just like everyday! haha

today was pretty boring....long day of school....9-5. i was "hella" tired..it was funny in poli sci discussion today...there was this one chick who was sleepin all funny...haha, angelo and i were crackin up so loud and my stomach hurt from holding it in. i think the teacher saw us and gave us a look..haha, i felt like i was in high school again. then...when i came back from a long day of classes, i find that my floor already went to the DC..so i called up sherlyn and madel to eat. they came over and we had dinner together so i wouldn't eat alone....awww, how sweet is that! haha.thanks guys! even if you guys always make fun me..youre still the best to hang with! haha..i love laughing with you guys! and guess what...I LIKE NO ONE AND NO ONE LIKES ME! "i hate the world and the world hates me!" hahhahahaaha...all the guys like YOU GUYS! ;p

and so...there's the end of my oh so boring day...i should be doin work..but guess what? i'm not! hahaha..then end...

today was pretty chill....got some laundry done. haha ..that was "hella" needed...it was piled up! but i didn't have enough quarters so i have to finish up tomorrow...i guess thats shorts or a skirt for tomorrow! haha...then i talked to my family on the phone and online. my mom is sending me a box of stuff! yea! :) more food! i eat a lot in the dorms...DC food sucks! then i went to church with the "gang" and spent a good 2 hours at the DC chattin it up with aaron..my "brown brotha" haha..didnt' realize we were there for so long! and now...its hardcore homework time! whoopty do! yeaaa....riight!

oh yea...turns out angelo and jelly saw malik from real world at the asain ghetto...maaaN! and we got there right after they all left! that totally sucks! maybe next time...haha!

wow! what a great saturday! haha...the kuya/ate/ading picnic was a blast..too bad i had to wear a skirt. i ran out of pants! :( oh well...so i wasn't really fit for the games they played. but we ate some chicken! yea! it was cool just chillen with everyone...especially our kuya! haha! then we went to SF to watch a movie...sweet home alabama! but dayam...ten motha freakin dollars! shiiit....that's a GRIP! then the freakin transportation over there..good thing ali brought us there though...so we only paid one way on the bart. after the movie...which i tried oh so hard not to fall asleep in (you guys who i watch movies with know i can't sit still or stay awake in the theaters! haha)...we walked around the city. i have to admit it was weird watching a movie with without a guy...aww..how sad, i'm soo lonely! JP ;p....i had fun! but anyways...the city is soo pretty! it wasn't even cold. i love SF...especially at night. all the lights and big buildings...ahhhh...its the best!

we got back around 9 or 10 i think...i was gonna sleep over at sherlyn and madel's..but i changed my mind and went back to the dorms. i'm glad i did cause then i would have missed all the action! haha...it was earl's b-day (from my floor) and they had bought him a cake. but when we lit the candles we set the fire alarms off....HAHA...enough said. funny shit man! we had to evacuate and all the police and firemen had to search the building. we were out there for a good 45 minutes. we didnt' really get in trouble...so that was cool. everyone knows the "infamous 7th floor" now..haha! great night...then all of us (my whole floor) sat in my friends dorm and sang songs while these guys played the guitar...it was fun. a little floor bonding moment there...

and now...i'm "A GRIP OF" tired...haha...goodnight!

yesterday was pretty funny..i chilled with madel and sherlyn all day. haha..we did a bunch of nothing and laughed at anything and everything. we had to do our office hours for PASS...then the rest of the day was chill. jelly and angelo came by later and we watched "untamed heart"...what a great movie! it's kinda like "autumn in new york" but i think this one was waaay better....watch it guys! then jelly and angelo left cause they were tired. i ended up staying at madel and sherlyn's til like 1:30. we cooked rice, spam, and vienna sausage at 12:30..haha, that's college life fo ya! we were hungry! then my stomach started to hurt and i had to walk back to my dorm. they walked me most of the way...then we split and ran back to our dorms cause we were freakin ourselves out...berkeley is NOT the safest place to be at night! especially if youre a girl! oh yea, we tried downloading "sweet home alabama" but then it was "austin powers" instead...dumb people wasted our time! okay...the end! :)

hmm...today was great! we chilled over at sproul and people watched..the best thing to do when youre bored! too bad we didn't see YES! haha..someday though, i promise. and then..i chilled at the PASS office for a little bit...doin some work. i felt like i was back in ASB! haha...feels good. then...hmmm...walked around with sarah and drea to get some new tounge rings for sarah. then we headed over to the PAA (Pilipino American Alliance) meeting. daamn...it was soo wonderful! we had some home cooked pilipino food! wow...it tasted soo great! i was in heaven! i miss my mother's cooking! also met more people..and umm...thats it for the day i guess. i spent the night chillen with everyone in the dorms...that's always fun!

oh yea...bad luck for the day...my cup was leaking...turns out it was cracked on the bottom and i didn't know until my tray was covered with soda...haha! funny shit!

It's been a whole week since i had any contact with john...well i blocked him from my buddy list..so i guess i had part in that. but i feel soo much better not having to deal with any of that shit any more...life is goin great..hope they're happy..seriously...if he doesn't care, why should i? riight...i shouldn't! i'm sure he's happy now...no more drama...hope cindy's happy too...i guess we're all happy now...haha..funny! FINALLY!

today was pretty fun! i actually saw a lot of cute guys...that's very strange here at Cal. but yea...me and madel had to table out on sproul for PASS (Pilipino American Student Services). It's hella intimidating cause you know no one wants your flyers..they just throw them on the ground afterwards. (cause i'm one of those people who just walk by and dont' say anything...what goes around comes around!) so i just try and target the guys...give them a smile and talk to them nicely..haha. the cutest guy i saw today passed by the window when i was eating lunch at the DC...so i didn't really get to see him...but from what i saw, he was cute enough! ok...the end about that

my pilipino class today was soo great! we had a speaker who lectured on Pilipino American history...it was so interesting...DEEEP! there's so much history within our culture that we have NO CLUE about cause they never teach it in school. its so amazing to see what our ancestors went through. like did you guys know that there was a side show in misouri that composed of just pilipinos? and it was the biggest exhibit at the fair that attracted the most people...wtf is that?! weeird! and Thurgood Marshall married a pilipino? wow...there's soo many pilipinos out there that go unrecognized...it hella makes you rethink about your pilipino culture and be proud...we've accomplished soo much! i love hearing about our "pilipino-ness"...it makes me feel great and you get soo inspired to get out there and support the pilipino community! so go for it guys! haha

Dawson's Creek was soo good! how come best friends always end up hurting each other? i guess its true..."friends can end up as lovers...but never lovers as friends..."

I have the sweetest friends ever! they knew i was feeling down and all..so they came over with a "care package"...how sweet is that?! awww...you guys really made my day! then we went for a walk down the crazy streets of berkeley...saw a homeless guy having a seizure in the streets...freaky! anyways..then we went to get some slurpies...haven't had one of those in awhile..Mmmm...then we went into some vintage shops, there's a lot over here..but yea..i had fun. good way to get things out of my mind..it felt great! thanks sherlyn and madel! luv ya guys!

I forgot to talk about my curse...gosh this is how bored i am! everyday here has had some type of bad luck...and today it started early this morning. i was taking a shower and i dropped my soap. It flew all the way to the other stall. haha..damn! good thing i had an extra with me. but then i reach over for my shampoo and its practically empty..wtf? so desperate for some clean hair i unscrewed the top and tried to get what i could..i got enough for my hair luckily..haha..okay, the end.

maan..i'm still down on my midterms. but check this out...i'm not doin anything about it! i wish i had a passion for education...maybe it would help me get through berkeley. i know its just one midterm...but still. i'm an overachiever. its tough.

my mom and dad called...i hate it when they call. it makes me wanna go home. i always get all choked up and i end up tearing. i don't know if they know that. you really don't know what have until its gone. family is more important to me now than it has ever been. i miss them! they knew something was wrong with me..i told they about my tests...they weren't mad. they understood and i promised i would work harder than i probably already do...i gotta get rid of this attitude and think more optimistic..my brothers are funny..they tell me everything. turns out my sixth grade teacher still remembers me! haha..funny..

Hmm...nothing to do...no more classes today. gilmore girls is on tonight..yea! something to do! haha...that's how lame i am over here.

maybe i should start "finding myself"...haha..that's what college is for right? duuumb...

my first blog..well acutally i have my first one...but that's for private use that no one reads...except for one person. this one is for everyone's eyes...well whoever's bored. hmm...life sucks right now. or well, just school actually. i hate college...i seriously don't think its MY thing...its soo hard. i'm not used to C's..i know its tough for everyone at first, but i don't think i can handle it. it's not like i'm out partying or anything. i mean, come on now, its berkeley! everything is 10x more competetive. sometimes i just wish i went to UCSD...i'd be closer to my family and have my car. but..i had to please my parents and make them proud. hopefully i still can. i mean, my mom is already making graduation plans for everyone to come up here! wow..talk about pressure. anyways..berkeley's boring to me...or maybe i just keep thinking pessimistic about it. i just wish i had my car...the love of my life! okay..i'm goin into non-sense right now...i'm bored. i miss my family..i hope i don't get into homesick mode again!

oh yea...haven't talk to john in forever..oh well, i guess he's happy now...finally. good for them. there's no surprise there. he's soo weak..always takin the easy way out. whatever..i'm moving on. i just wished i had someone to move on to...berkeley is high and dry in the dating area! why are all cute ones waaay older?!