Tuesday, January 25, 2005
don't really feel like updating, but i feel like i should before i forget everything.
since we were freshman, angelo, jely, and i dreamt of the day we turned 21. we always talked about a combined birthday party where we got crazy drunk. well here's the rundown:
-black and white affair
-surplus of alcohol
-dj
-hookah
-hot and waaay too crowded
-popped @ 12:30pm
-at least everyone was having fun??
all i can say is that it took a lot of effort for me to have fun. didnt even get drunk. hookah and dancing were some of the best therapies yet. temporary relief. best part of the night? when the roommates surprised us with that cake. i love em.
saturday i bummed it all day with sherlyn and kay ann. had a bonding moment on the couch with chris. good laughs..at my expense but its ok.
current status: i think im doing really well. definitely past the angry "fck you, i hate you, dont talk to me ever" stage. my appetite is back (and baby love too), no more crying, no more sitting and staring into space with "my shattered dreams and broken heart." now its the , "what's next?" stage. forgive and forget? not me, or at least not yet. try to work things out and be friends? i would but i dont know how, or even if i could. after all, you can only hold a grudge for so long. im tired of watching my back everytime i go out just in case i run into him. errr....im soo lost right now. dont know what to do, dont know what i want. for now, im just not talking to him at all. someone please tell me that i'm doing the right thing and i wont regret it later :(
since we were freshman, angelo, jely, and i dreamt of the day we turned 21. we always talked about a combined birthday party where we got crazy drunk. well here's the rundown:
-black and white affair
-surplus of alcohol
-dj
-hookah
-hot and waaay too crowded
-popped @ 12:30pm
-at least everyone was having fun??
all i can say is that it took a lot of effort for me to have fun. didnt even get drunk. hookah and dancing were some of the best therapies yet. temporary relief. best part of the night? when the roommates surprised us with that cake. i love em.
saturday i bummed it all day with sherlyn and kay ann. had a bonding moment on the couch with chris. good laughs..at my expense but its ok.
current status: i think im doing really well. definitely past the angry "fck you, i hate you, dont talk to me ever" stage. my appetite is back (and baby love too), no more crying, no more sitting and staring into space with "my shattered dreams and broken heart." now its the , "what's next?" stage. forgive and forget? not me, or at least not yet. try to work things out and be friends? i would but i dont know how, or even if i could. after all, you can only hold a grudge for so long. im tired of watching my back everytime i go out just in case i run into him. errr....im soo lost right now. dont know what to do, dont know what i want. for now, im just not talking to him at all. someone please tell me that i'm doing the right thing and i wont regret it later :(
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
KARMA: its a bitch!
"he lied to me. he lied to me. i cant believe he lied to me."
thats all i hear in my head. he lied to me. he had me fooled, everyone fooled. it hurts like a bitch. more than the day we broke up, more than the day he shut me out, more than the day he led me on. wait, that was more than once. this is all too familiar territory. hate is a strong word. but i said it anyways. i dont think ive ever felt this angry toward anyone in my life. didnt think he could hurt me anymore. at least he proved me wrong in something. i knew all along. he loves me, but he likes her. he wants to be WITH me, but he likes her. i dont understand, even i if i tried. he's confused. well, so am i. the last thing he told me was, "im ready to be with you when you are." if only....
"he still likes her. he still likes her. he still likes her."
no more tears, no more arguing, no more cracks in my heart, no more. im done.
just let me go, please.
Don't you see? Don't you see
That the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions"
And "Clever Cover Story"
Awards Go to you.
So kiss me hard
Cause this will be the last
Time that I let you.
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss
That tells of other people's lips
Will be of service
To keeping you away.
best deception-dashboard confessional
thats all i hear in my head. he lied to me. he had me fooled, everyone fooled. it hurts like a bitch. more than the day we broke up, more than the day he shut me out, more than the day he led me on. wait, that was more than once. this is all too familiar territory. hate is a strong word. but i said it anyways. i dont think ive ever felt this angry toward anyone in my life. didnt think he could hurt me anymore. at least he proved me wrong in something. i knew all along. he loves me, but he likes her. he wants to be WITH me, but he likes her. i dont understand, even i if i tried. he's confused. well, so am i. the last thing he told me was, "im ready to be with you when you are." if only....
"he still likes her. he still likes her. he still likes her."
no more tears, no more arguing, no more cracks in my heart, no more. im done.
just let me go, please.
Don't you see? Don't you see
That the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions"
And "Clever Cover Story"
Awards Go to you.
So kiss me hard
Cause this will be the last
Time that I let you.
You will be back someday
And this awkward kiss
That tells of other people's lips
Will be of service
To keeping you away.
best deception-dashboard confessional
Friday, January 14, 2005
no turning back
depart san diego @ 7:50pm
be back spring break.
this is the end of relaxation. here's to spring semester + 2 sessions of summer school= no real vacation til fall semester.
winter break was fulfilling. especially in the stomach :)
be back spring break.
this is the end of relaxation. here's to spring semester + 2 sessions of summer school= no real vacation til fall semester.
winter break was fulfilling. especially in the stomach :)
Monday, January 10, 2005
: /
boredom is getting to me now, still there is soo much to do before i leave this friday. errands, cleaning, washing clothes, packing, grocery shopping....ahhhhh...geez. imma save the cleaning and laundry til thursday though...its better that way. but how can i go on my errands if i dont have a car to get me there? this sucks. and the rain will not stop.
anyways......last saturday my auntie and uncle took the cousins out to eat at Onami, then we went to visit our new baby cousin in the hospital. she was born premature at 6 1/2 months. her name is Caroline and she's the cutest button in the world. its weird, im used to having nieces and nephews born these days, and now i actually have a new cousin. by the time she graduates high school, we've all had babies ourselves and the little girl is gonna have 3x the amount of people screaming and holding signs for her. til then though, she's a little soldier. before we left the hospital we broke out into a song for aunties video cam with neil diamonds, "sweet caroline, dun dun duuun...." (we didnt know the words to the song so we just repeat that part over and over)
oh yea, happy birthday to my sister...she's 22. thats old. sike, hahah :)
anyways......last saturday my auntie and uncle took the cousins out to eat at Onami, then we went to visit our new baby cousin in the hospital. she was born premature at 6 1/2 months. her name is Caroline and she's the cutest button in the world. its weird, im used to having nieces and nephews born these days, and now i actually have a new cousin. by the time she graduates high school, we've all had babies ourselves and the little girl is gonna have 3x the amount of people screaming and holding signs for her. til then though, she's a little soldier. before we left the hospital we broke out into a song for aunties video cam with neil diamonds, "sweet caroline, dun dun duuun...." (we didnt know the words to the song so we just repeat that part over and over)
oh yea, happy birthday to my sister...she's 22. thats old. sike, hahah :)
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
slowing down
last 2 weeks in SD...already?? shit. im home alone these days since school has started for everyone.
i was looking outside at the rain today, and i noticed that our two apple trees were missing. when did that happen?
yesterday my little brother's tooth came out. he showed me it then told me, "be right back." goes into his room, and pulls out a fckn box full of all his baby teeth. that was nasty. he even had a slice of skin in there that he's saving....for what? little boys collect the weirdest things.
my other brother got two little frogs from his secret santa. theyre cool. imma jack one and put it in madel's pillow. HAHAHA...JP madel. (i just said that cause she's not very fond of pets).
i dyed my hair black. why? cause im too poor to get my hair did. thought id give my parents a break on my expenses. yes...the money source. plus it'll give my poor hair a break from all that dying. my mom says that horse shampoo makes your hair grow faster. but faster as in length or in a bald spots?? im tempted to try some out since my dad made us buy him a bottle.
"let me love you"-mario....dont think ill ever get tired of this song despite the 10 times i hear it whenever im driving around.
ok, back to the television for women (lifetime)...later gators
i was looking outside at the rain today, and i noticed that our two apple trees were missing. when did that happen?
yesterday my little brother's tooth came out. he showed me it then told me, "be right back." goes into his room, and pulls out a fckn box full of all his baby teeth. that was nasty. he even had a slice of skin in there that he's saving....for what? little boys collect the weirdest things.
my other brother got two little frogs from his secret santa. theyre cool. imma jack one and put it in madel's pillow. HAHAHA...JP madel. (i just said that cause she's not very fond of pets).
i dyed my hair black. why? cause im too poor to get my hair did. thought id give my parents a break on my expenses. yes...the money source. plus it'll give my poor hair a break from all that dying. my mom says that horse shampoo makes your hair grow faster. but faster as in length or in a bald spots?? im tempted to try some out since my dad made us buy him a bottle.
"let me love you"-mario....dont think ill ever get tired of this song despite the 10 times i hear it whenever im driving around.
ok, back to the television for women (lifetime)...later gators
Saturday, January 01, 2005
No More 2004
here it goes, my annual yearly reflection. let me break it down to you/me:
Berkeley: am i getting tired of this place yet? nah, i think its just the food. i pretty much spent the whole 04' up in berk doing the school thing. moved out of our "hole in the wall" apartment at the Gaia and across the street to the fabuloso Allston Lofts (formerly named Pioneer Apartments). im lovin the new place. got folks right below us and folks on the 4th floor to borrow milk, eggs, and have dinner parties every now and then. good stuff.
School: last semester of sophomore year knocked me to the ground, kicked my ass, dragged me a mile, then kicked me some more. i let pessimism, depression, and anxiety take over my life. that was the worse semester of my freakin life. even now, when i think about how much i let my worst fears take over me, i get a little emotional. NEVER again. promise. Summer school all summer allowed me recuperate and revamp myself. First semester third year...a great one. New attitudes, studying techniques, and hours in the VLSB library helped me succeed. Dont recall a single breakdown. snaps to myself. the journey is almost over...gotta make it a good one!
Friends: the ALC crew brings nothing but good times and endless laughs. seriously. im glad to have this second family right in my apartment building. the roommates....ahhh, what can i say? ive had the best times with you guys! we have so much fun just laughing every day. Mari, just wanna say sorry for the way things ended. wish things could have been better, but im glad we can still remain friends. kay ann...the new roomie! hope youre not sick of us. but i know youre have fun. the spontaneous, crazy moments...hahaha. who else congregates every night in the kitchen to take a break from the books and talk over a hot cup of tea because sherlyn made some? i love it! not to mention there's free shows every week within the ALC...muahahaha! how bout we cut it down for 2005?
Family: aahhhhh! i cant believe how old we all are! all my little cousins/brothers have g/fs and b/fs...wtf?! little patricia is now in college, and im actually old enough to go to bars with my cousins?! sometimes i wish i could rewind back to the days of sleepovers and playing school. my parents are getting older. my dad seems lonlier. he likes to feed the stray cats that hang out in our backyard. and my mom still continues to say random things that crack us up.
Love/Relationships: Spent the first half of the year IN love. things were perfect...maybe a little too perfect? yes, i think so. had my first one-year anniversary in may. it was wonderful?? not for long, we broke up a month later. spent the second half of the year trying to fall OUT of love. why is it that we started fighing AFTER the breakup? why did the process of getting over someone hurt MORE than the day we ended things? why did i let myself get hurt over and over again by the same person? i think i lost a piece or two of my heart. so whats my current take on love? Fourth time's a charm?? haha...or maybe its back to the "stupid boys, stupid boys" mentality? we'll see what Venus has in store for me. "love is a battlefield"
Highlights:
1) turning the big 2-1
2) getting my braces off (after 3 1/2 years! shiiiiet!)
3) moving into the ALC
4) being on PAHC core....greatest bunch of girls ever. feels good to be involved in the community again.
Resolutions:
1) GAIN the freshman 15 all over again
2) build a stronger heart
3) LIVE LIFE
soo....peace out 04' and bring it on 05' ;>
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Berkeley: am i getting tired of this place yet? nah, i think its just the food. i pretty much spent the whole 04' up in berk doing the school thing. moved out of our "hole in the wall" apartment at the Gaia and across the street to the fabuloso Allston Lofts (formerly named Pioneer Apartments). im lovin the new place. got folks right below us and folks on the 4th floor to borrow milk, eggs, and have dinner parties every now and then. good stuff.
School: last semester of sophomore year knocked me to the ground, kicked my ass, dragged me a mile, then kicked me some more. i let pessimism, depression, and anxiety take over my life. that was the worse semester of my freakin life. even now, when i think about how much i let my worst fears take over me, i get a little emotional. NEVER again. promise. Summer school all summer allowed me recuperate and revamp myself. First semester third year...a great one. New attitudes, studying techniques, and hours in the VLSB library helped me succeed. Dont recall a single breakdown. snaps to myself. the journey is almost over...gotta make it a good one!
Friends: the ALC crew brings nothing but good times and endless laughs. seriously. im glad to have this second family right in my apartment building. the roommates....ahhh, what can i say? ive had the best times with you guys! we have so much fun just laughing every day. Mari, just wanna say sorry for the way things ended. wish things could have been better, but im glad we can still remain friends. kay ann...the new roomie! hope youre not sick of us. but i know youre have fun. the spontaneous, crazy moments...hahaha. who else congregates every night in the kitchen to take a break from the books and talk over a hot cup of tea because sherlyn made some? i love it! not to mention there's free shows every week within the ALC...muahahaha! how bout we cut it down for 2005?
Family: aahhhhh! i cant believe how old we all are! all my little cousins/brothers have g/fs and b/fs...wtf?! little patricia is now in college, and im actually old enough to go to bars with my cousins?! sometimes i wish i could rewind back to the days of sleepovers and playing school. my parents are getting older. my dad seems lonlier. he likes to feed the stray cats that hang out in our backyard. and my mom still continues to say random things that crack us up.
Love/Relationships: Spent the first half of the year IN love. things were perfect...maybe a little too perfect? yes, i think so. had my first one-year anniversary in may. it was wonderful?? not for long, we broke up a month later. spent the second half of the year trying to fall OUT of love. why is it that we started fighing AFTER the breakup? why did the process of getting over someone hurt MORE than the day we ended things? why did i let myself get hurt over and over again by the same person? i think i lost a piece or two of my heart. so whats my current take on love? Fourth time's a charm?? haha...or maybe its back to the "stupid boys, stupid boys" mentality? we'll see what Venus has in store for me. "love is a battlefield"
Highlights:
1) turning the big 2-1
2) getting my braces off (after 3 1/2 years! shiiiiet!)
3) moving into the ALC
4) being on PAHC core....greatest bunch of girls ever. feels good to be involved in the community again.
Resolutions:
1) GAIN the freshman 15 all over again
2) build a stronger heart
3) LIVE LIFE
soo....peace out 04' and bring it on 05' ;>
HAPPY NEW YEAR!