colorgenics.com:
It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your 'private' or 'business' life - whatever ... what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.
Everything seems to be going against you at this time. Try as you may you are meeting with considerable resistance at every turn. Nothing is going as you would plan. The situation is difficult and you are trying to persist in your objectives against resistance. It would appear that you are being very secretive about your future plans just in case people around you try to thwart you.
You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions.
You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!
...i wanna go back to THAT world...
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Sunday, July 25, 2004
quickie
saturday i earned my FIRST paycheck EVER! yup...and all i did was sit around, walk around, and eat a bunch of food from 6:30AM to 4:30PM. a group of us signed up to be an extra for some educational/non-profit commercial that they were filming on campus and we got $100 for it. heck yea...jealous?? you should be ; p haha...just jokin'
volunteering at the children's hospital was fun on friday. i got to work in the play room rather than the teen lounge...FUN stuff. THIS is what i want to do. i went in there tired, not really feelin like working. but once i was around the kiddies, my face lit up. LITERALLLY. babies always bring a smile to my face....no matter where i am or what mood im in. they have soo much spirit and soo much energy in them...i feed off their goodness.
familiar feelings are back.
volunteering at the children's hospital was fun on friday. i got to work in the play room rather than the teen lounge...FUN stuff. THIS is what i want to do. i went in there tired, not really feelin like working. but once i was around the kiddies, my face lit up. LITERALLLY. babies always bring a smile to my face....no matter where i am or what mood im in. they have soo much spirit and soo much energy in them...i feed off their goodness.
familiar feelings are back.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
its the SAME old thing...
i wanna run away....just for a LITTLE while. you feel??
nothing suits my mood lately. not the songs i listen to, the food i eat, the clothes i have to spend 20 minutes picking out every morning, NOTHING!! i guess its the little thing we all have inside us where we always want MORE.
thinking too much is never any good. realizations. im frustrated. im tired. ill get over it in a minute.
:EXHALE:
(that felt good)
time for my afternoon nap....the only thing that i look forward to every day ; )
nothing suits my mood lately. not the songs i listen to, the food i eat, the clothes i have to spend 20 minutes picking out every morning, NOTHING!! i guess its the little thing we all have inside us where we always want MORE.
thinking too much is never any good. realizations. im frustrated. im tired. ill get over it in a minute.
:EXHALE:
(that felt good)
time for my afternoon nap....the only thing that i look forward to every day ; )
Monday, July 19, 2004
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Stalling...
don't ask me why im blogging when i hardly have done any work this weekend. i haaate schoool! im impatiently waiting for my summer to begin
:(
anyways....since all ive been doin is chillen might as well recap. friday i watched "a cinderella story," it was cute. kinda made me miss high school. and WE ALL KNOW that chad michael murray is hot sh*t! all day saturday was spent with PAHC. glad we had the time to finally get to know each other on core. met up at 8:30am to pack medical supplies for the Mission (a yearly effort to send medical care to the Philippines). then had our first real meeting at san pablo dam. FINALLY got to sit in front of some water and just think. it was beautiful ; ) im excited about whats ahead for us this year. got back around 7:30pm and slept til 10:30pm. shouldnt have done that, but i needed my sleep desperately. later that night we went downstairs cause roel was having a shindig with his high school buddies. dont really know why i decided to go...but i really like hanging out with them, they crack me up. and after hearing about this boy time after time....finally met the infamous gerard. hahaha...it was weird cause we're like, "damn ive heard soo much about you!" it was a fun night.
im such a hypocrite. punish me. but the past few days ive been feeling more empty than i have this whole time.
**wish i was home for my mom's bday**
ps...i just notice the word "finally" used about everything i did. weird.
:(
anyways....since all ive been doin is chillen might as well recap. friday i watched "a cinderella story," it was cute. kinda made me miss high school. and WE ALL KNOW that chad michael murray is hot sh*t! all day saturday was spent with PAHC. glad we had the time to finally get to know each other on core. met up at 8:30am to pack medical supplies for the Mission (a yearly effort to send medical care to the Philippines). then had our first real meeting at san pablo dam. FINALLY got to sit in front of some water and just think. it was beautiful ; ) im excited about whats ahead for us this year. got back around 7:30pm and slept til 10:30pm. shouldnt have done that, but i needed my sleep desperately. later that night we went downstairs cause roel was having a shindig with his high school buddies. dont really know why i decided to go...but i really like hanging out with them, they crack me up. and after hearing about this boy time after time....finally met the infamous gerard. hahaha...it was weird cause we're like, "damn ive heard soo much about you!" it was a fun night.
im such a hypocrite. punish me. but the past few days ive been feeling more empty than i have this whole time.
**wish i was home for my mom's bday**
ps...i just notice the word "finally" used about everything i did. weird.
Friday, July 16, 2004
LOST
ever feel like youre in a "lose-lose" situation? like no matter what decision you make it doesnt feel right and nothing makes sense. yup...sucks majorly. its NOT what I want. but its whats best. im hurting. youre hurting. i dont know what else to do. if there was an easier way to get through things, trust me, i'd pick that path in a heartbeat. you needed time, and im giving it to you. now i just have to deal with things on my own, MY way. im sorry :(
"Tell him I need himTell him I love him
And it'll be alright"
-lauryn hill
Monday, July 12, 2004
back to square one
NOTHING is perfect.
EVERYTHING is a lie.
ANYTHING is always possible.
its time to detach.
new perspectives and new experiences.
no more please....no more.
EVERYTHING is a lie.
ANYTHING is always possible.
its time to detach.
new perspectives and new experiences.
no more please....no more.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
eventful
thursday: big day for me...ochem quiz, problem set due, ethnic studies final, recieve final prompt for essay due on friday....i was ready for it, but my stomach wasnt! i woke up with mad cramps, dizziness, nausea. vomitted yellow stuff all day. my mom got worried and rallied up the whole fam to drive up here. in the meantime norwin (bless his heart) drove me all the way to the travis airforce base so i could get some ER action. 2 IVs and i felt as good as new. thanks to EVERYONE who helped my little sick ass out. madel..playin the role of mom who held my hair back and rubbed my back as i threw up every 10 min. (literally), roel for missing his midterm review just to be with me at the hospital, norwin for using his gas, sherlyn and everyone else for the cute notes...maraming salamat!
friday: i feel soo loved...my parents drove 10 hours just to see me. the fam came over and saw my new apartment. couldnt do much cause i had my volunteer training and ortho so they just went to the mall wihtout me. stayed at the travis base and ate some bomb homecookin! also almost caught a duck.
saturday: got me some MAD food at comissary courtesy of the parents and headed back to berkeley since the fam was leaving back for SD. (thank you God for their safe trip) began the horrid process of making up my final online...that shit was hard! stayed up til 5:30am doin my essay and wokeup at 8 to finish it up.
sunday: NO sleep recovery at all. headed to the berkeley marina with some good company. walked miles (exaggerated) to get there since they closed down the roads to get there. had some little del mar/seaport action. overpriced foods, forreal. it was MAD packed with folks. fire works sucked cause the fog took over the marina. but we enjoyed what we could. there were these cute little chubbies behind us that screamed their butts off and jumped as high as they could everytime we got a good firework. came back to the apartment...drank, chilled, set off a firework on campus at 2am, slept at 4. memorable ;)
monday: made us some chicken tinola. family style meals all weekend...good stuff.
friday: i feel soo loved...my parents drove 10 hours just to see me. the fam came over and saw my new apartment. couldnt do much cause i had my volunteer training and ortho so they just went to the mall wihtout me. stayed at the travis base and ate some bomb homecookin! also almost caught a duck.
saturday: got me some MAD food at comissary courtesy of the parents and headed back to berkeley since the fam was leaving back for SD. (thank you God for their safe trip) began the horrid process of making up my final online...that shit was hard! stayed up til 5:30am doin my essay and wokeup at 8 to finish it up.
sunday: NO sleep recovery at all. headed to the berkeley marina with some good company. walked miles (exaggerated) to get there since they closed down the roads to get there. had some little del mar/seaport action. overpriced foods, forreal. it was MAD packed with folks. fire works sucked cause the fog took over the marina. but we enjoyed what we could. there were these cute little chubbies behind us that screamed their butts off and jumped as high as they could everytime we got a good firework. came back to the apartment...drank, chilled, set off a firework on campus at 2am, slept at 4. memorable ;)
monday: made us some chicken tinola. family style meals all weekend...good stuff.