just cause...

so i blog a lot...who cares. it gives YOU and ME somthing to do. anyways...i have this huge urge to just drive my hot red car around sunny san diego with the music turned up...where nothing in the world matters except for me and the road. haha, ok that sounded a lil too perfect. but really though, i miss driving my car, especially when its just me in it. i dont know where id drive to, but at least ill be driving somewhere :SIGH: im thinkin seaport or la jolla shores, somewhere where i can just sit and look at the water. serenity.

i really really am not having it anymore. next time youre put into a "do i listen to my head or do i listen to my heart" situation. id pick the head. definetly.
i need some self-empowerment right now. i wanna feel on top of the world. i wanna get on my own high.

follow up

i got my chair..yeees!

i found out that sherlyn wants a dog too. i think we're gonna get a fish or something.

our internet is slowly coming together...one computer at a time. haha.

i still want/need to watch the notebook.

got my fortune read by the best fortune teller (sherlyn). got kinda emotional hearing everything...it couldnt have been more accurate.

i think im used to everything now.

so fresh and so clean

i love how the new apartment is soo fresh. feels nice. but we're having issues with our dsl and we're being cheap by putting off getting some cable for out tv. oh well...at least it makes me study! but i still wish we had internet and cable. so the guys live right below us...funny huh? chris ramiro, roel, norman, and chris's brother. its fun though cause we can make as much noise as we want and get zero knocks on our door. wonderful!

ive been watching a lot of animal planet lately...animal curelty is sad. i wanna adopt a dog now.

i also wanna watch the notebook cause i feel like being sad and happy and crying. but i have no one to watch it with since madel and sherlyn watched it already.

i also need a chair for my desk. i wish i had a car so i can get one myself.

ok...ill quit being a brat. this entry sounds like a christmas list or something.

Goodbye Gaia

sorry...i had to post on my last day at the Gaia...my first apartment. now, we're moving across the street (literally) to a bigger, and CHEAPer complex. we had plenty of goodtimes here...dinners, kick-its, study nights...we did it all. its been great. To my Gaia girls...thanks! (even though ill still be living with half of them ; >) for being considerate roomies...most of the time ;p haha...just jokin! To the Gaia building, panoramic management, and neighbors: you've been SEMI-good to us...and we've been HORRIBLE to you. but ya gotta admit, we added some life to this building! so long ya'll...fck the $2400 monthly rent! (and we better get a good amount of our deposit back) gaia girls are out!

ps...last time i ended the count of how many times we got in trouble was 11. lets make that about 15, give or take a few. we did still get in trouble after we made that lady move out ;p

STONE

thats what leo calls me and i guess thats what ive been. im surprised myself at how strong i've been. i have YET to breakdown. music and friends have been my therapy. i dont hate him. he did nothing wrong. we're in college, and experience is everything...so i guess i understand somewhat of what he's going through. FRIENDS...yes, it is possible and today is perfect evidence. we still love each other...DEFINETLY. i can see it and i can feel it. all i can do is accept and see where fate takes us. i trust HIS words. he's still the perfect person in my eyes.

even if- jocelyn enriquez

Butterfly

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were ment to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were ment to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't over flowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way
It feels to fly

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were ment to be
So spread your wings and fly
My Butterfly

Refreshing

that's exactly what this weekend was. even though it was busy, filled with errands, graduations, parties...it just feels nice to be surrounded by family. it went by too quickly : / i think this was the first time i went home and had ZERO mexican food. oh well. hopefully ill be back in august. oh yea, i think i heard the worst speeches at the UCHS graduation. sorry..but really though, tell me why the val's speech consisted of personal thank you's to teachers and reading the whole dr. suess book, "oh the places we will go." ??? and tell me why some rude lady was yelling her son's name during the moment of silence for ronald regan?? okaaay?? i thought that was hella rude.

its official...i am the world's SLOWEST essay writer. started my 3-7 page paper at 2pm right after i got back, and ended at 3:30am. its been a long time since i even attempted a paper since im full of science classes....so dont hate. i got it done.

when roel picked me up at the airport he surprised me with roses and my favorite chocolate (hershey's cookies and cream)...with no occasion. what a sweetheart.

dad: who picked you up?
me: roel
dad: who's roel?
me: dad...you met him remember?
dad: oh yea, the short one. the short, good-looking one.

haha...i thought it was funny.

home sweet home ; >

back in sd baaaby! havent been home in a hot one. lovin' it...lovin' it! let me tell you though...yesterday was some random-ass day:

1. a previous student of my professor walks into the review session room and starts cussing him out. okaay?? what an asshole cause our professor is fckn cool.
2. VERY random IM from an OLD friend. haha...all i can say is, "WOW."
3. ANOTHER random IM from..."scar boy"

muhahaha....sorry no details. i guess its more funny if you knew the stories behind it. Enywaaaaayz...my dad is soo comedy. im walkin toward the van and he runs out and hugs me. cute ; > whenever im back, i feel so nostalgic. its just something about the air and familiar atmosphere that makes me smile. stepping into the house i do my usual walk-around, inspecting whats different and whats new....and i see kittens! im gonna bring one back to berkeley. for now, im lookin forward to graduations, good times with the fam, and FOOD. im eatin' my mufckN heart out cause ya know we be goin through some famines in berkeley. weather is good, family is good, i couldnt be any more happier ; > oh wait, i can. my mom gave me a louis vuitton wallet...muhahaha. she loves me!

my spirits have been lifted, home is what i needed.

5 AM

i dont know what the fck im doin up right now. i cant sleep for shit. been up since 3 and finally decided to do some reading...but not before i vent real quick...

call me drama, a brat, whatever...and ill accept it. college is about finding yourself, right? so why do i feel like i lost apart of me?



...trying to get over the "hump"

bringin it back

this was some day though. this morning i was chattin it up with kristine about our stresses with school and what not. havent talked to this girl nor seen this girl in forever. good stuff to know other people feel me. let's go to the same grad school, yea?? then leo and i take a stroll down memory lane with our yearbooks....okaay?? hella random. bittersweet memories i must say. part of me wants to go back...but for the most part i rather not. eh, maybe im just feelin old. then tonight nate IMs out of the blue. funny that these things come all at once. just makes me think how much things, including me, have changed. growing up is NOT easy.

oh yea, i just realized what an impatient person i am : / i need to fix that.

movies

lately ive been watching at least one movie a day...weird for me being that i hardly have patience to watch one.

cheaper by the dozen- i cried
shrek- i laughed
the last samurai- i felt inspired
love actually- i was disappointed (sorry guys)
once upon a time in mexico- i fell asleep
HBO movie about the first heart surgery, which was actually thought up by a black man (i forgot the title)- i loved it
remember the titans- i felt the love

im lovin these "feel-good" movies...forreal though. makes me wanna go out there and conquer the world pushing all fears and pessimism aside :sigh: anything is possible if you got the heart. right???



ps. 13 months