21!

feels.....good? haha...thanks folks for all the love and greetings! ya'll are too too sweet ;>

celebrated with a little family gathering at the house, then hit up some bars with my cousins. thanks guys for taking me out of the house! i love my family! never thought id be able to go home past 12 in san diego...but cousins do magic and i got home at almost 4am..thats a record folks!

"make it last forever"-mariah carey feat joe and nas

Merry Christmas!

santa (my parents) came through and blessed me with a digital camera :) now my college life is complete. RELAX.

NOW, i can relaaax...

i am soo relieved right now. wow ;D thank you God for....everything.

so tonight's gonna be a "pre-Christmas" party with the Obaña's since all the mother nurses are working on Christmas eve and day....how cute is that? haha. lovin it!

been to the mall every damn day since i got back to sd. crazy. bought mostly stuff for myself?? i think its ok since i havent been shopping since the beginning of the semester.

last night i was talkin to roel on the phone, then my mom comes in and asks who im talking to, and instead of telling her, i gave her the phone...muahahhaha.

roel: "oh, hi auntie"
mom: "who's this?"
roel: "this is roel, do you remember me?"
mom: "oh yes, you are the cute one."

what the heck?? hahahah. now, if you recall a couple, or a lot, of entries ago, my dad called roel the "short, good-looking one." i promise i did NOT tell my parents to say this. WOW....i guess he is somethin' special?? hahahaha.

I love....

San Diego!

only in san diego can you wear slippers, see people coming back from the beach, girls still dressing like its summer, and have the sun warm you up....all during the winter season. i love it! :)

and i love driving my car. i love it so much! nothing beats driving at night, listening to slow jams, relaxing, and just thinking about all the great things in life. even if the sappy love songs do get to me more, it feels nice being sad in my car :)

plus, i love my friends! how we can meet up every 2-3 times a year and still talk like no other. sharing secrets, finding out new things, and remembering all the old memories. i love it! :)

im just in a really great mood right now. home...definetly where the heart is <3

ps...i had 11 hours of sleep last night...daaaaaam that felt good!!

done??

so im outta berkeley in a couple hours. just thought id blog real quick. finals were..."ok." im excited about going home...kinda....scared though. hmm....just gotta wait it out. nervous breakdown coming....SIGH.

my first picture without braces...(keep in mind this is during dead week, so please excuse the...crappy-ness)

countdown: 7days

so classes are over huh? sure doesnt feel like it though. this has got to be the fastest semester in all my years at Cal....that means 3 more semesters of college til i graduate. kinda sad aint it? the madness of dead week has begun....got my bio final on wednesday morning then my ochem final on friday morning.

can i reflect real quick? for some reason i think this is gonna be one of my favorite semesters of cal. unlike last year, i let myself have fun. i didnt let school take over my life and my emotions. not once did i feel depressed, sad, or "out of it" because of school. that makes me happy. i make myself proud...pat on the back to me ;)

must be the christmas spirit...

cause lately ive been just really happy! smiling, laughing, having fun, singing aloud...its been wonderful! or could it be because i love my manly voice?? hahha....either way i love my moods lately. its a high of my own :) lets see if i can keep this up through finals...

lovin' the christmas songs for sure though...cant get enough of em'

the rain is soo pretty at night, dont ya think? against the light you can see the rain drops fall onto the street....its sooo roooooMANtic! lets take a walk outside tonight in the rain :)

just to note...im on a mission to find a guy like nick lachey to marry. he's the best!

oh yea, and im sad that laguna beach is over.....can i just say that i TOTALLY feel LC on that show? hahahha.....i love that girl! have i said that already??

tired--> excited-->inspired-->irritated-->could have been better

all these emotions in one day....? woke up excited that the day finally came....MISSION CONCERT 2004. its what we've been working for for the last 2 months. i was in charge of the artists lunchtime...couldnt have picked a better job. maricel and i kicked it in the unit lounge from like 10:30-4....but we didnt mind at all. the aritists were sweet and grateful for the food..yaay :) its showtime and a couple of artists have yet to show up and the MC herself was running late...stress? aDUH. crazy. but i have to say that the show was FCKN GREAT! urban acheivers rocked the house, magnetic north with drift away was dope, alvendia? no comment, mango kingz..no words can say how great they are. loved the "let me love you" rendition, missed most of kiwi....but we all know how great he is, 6th day looked at me when they were singing (HAHAHA), our very own Darrell...never get tired of listening to him, immij was cute, and next phaze?? :screams: hahhahaha...omg, girls were goin crazy over them! i heard a lot about them, and they sure did live up to their reputation. got all their autographs...theyre such sweethearts too! got a kiss from chris...muahahahhaha! the afterparty wasnt all that poppin...but oh well, the people who were there seemed to have a good time. got to hang out with the guys from next phaze and urban acheivers...hahahha. freakin chandra, you crack me up!

ok storytime: im sitting with berniedette tsi-missing and what not...and this drunk motherfcker comes up and says, "i know you aint gonna sit around all night, we're gonna dance." told him i was feelin sick and didnt want to dance (i seriously was coughing like no other and have the voice of a man). 2 minutes later he comes back and said, "i dont fckN care if youre sick, you gotta dance with me." OKAAAAAAAAAY?! told him straight up, "first of all, you dont fckN talk to me like that and if you wanna a get a girl to dance with you, you ask her nicely bitch!" then berniedette talks to him in a calmer tone tellin him he was rude. apparently he's been bothering other girls on the dancefloor. what an ASShole. but he didnt stop there. when i was waiting for my friends, he was next to me talkin to a friend hella loud sayin how i didnt wanna dance with him cause i was too sick and how messed up i was. i chose to ignore it. then AGAIN...he walks out past me and says "dang she rejected me bad, that fckN hurts." good for you bitch! from this, ive come to a conclusion that it is IMPOSSIBLE to meet a descent guy when youre out dancing.

aside from that, mission was a success.....out of the 280 printed tickets we made, we only had 3 leftover!! thats sooo awesome! thanks, thanks, and thanks to EVERYONE!

random note: i miss having a best friend of the opposite sex. actually, i thought of this when i was watching "the wood" while waitng to leave for SD. but yea...ya feel me?

hahaha..sorry, i had to post this.
caption: sherlyn and chandra scream for 5 minutes after spilling drinks on themselves, chandra stands up and slips on the floor, EVERYONE runs to help her up, and then there's me sitting there doin nothing but crackin up :)

dont you just wanna squish her cheeks til theyre purple??

she has looks to kill...

my casin and my sister

Happy Thanksgiving!

Haha...a little too late? oh well...EeenyWaaayZ...break felt like 2 days instead of5. Home is always great when you haven't been home in 3 months :( family is wonderful, mother cracks me up with the berkeley sweater i got her, dad tries to hide his emotions when we're all together and ya know the siblings are lovin' it when im around! Turkey day was spent at the "casins" house...why do i have the cutest neices and nephews in the world?? im LOVIN it! even if they dont know my face. got to see the grandparents from PI...after like how many years since im never home when theyre in town. "Jenn why are you getting so pretty now?" okaaaay uncle, sorry i was ugly last year.

Friday was a "not so great" day. while everyone was out on the busiest shopping day of the year, we woke up to little darius havin some "pain." took him to the ER and he ended up having surgery that day...im just glad i was around to be with him...gotta love the little rascal. he was A-ok after the operation, which was relieving. Thank you God for taking care of him.

got a new cell phone...AGAIN. i just realized ive had a new phone for every year of college so far. now sherlyn and i are hip with our flips ;p now all i need is a digital camera...imma ask my momma for christmas :)

saturday we finally went shopping...leftovers SUCK! no more smalls. didnt even get to go to hollister, what is up with that? came home with one jacket. awesome.

got back early, (or maybe not so early cause of the airport rush), on sunday cause my evil-ass professor gave us an in-class essay final on monday. BITCH. sike...haha. at least its over.

its freeezing COLD in berk...has it ever been this cold before?

MISSION CONCERT this weekend, im excited!!

check out some pics...

5 hours in the library last night...i would have stayed longer if i didnt have to find a way to get home (i was by myself). freaked myself out waiting for the buses so i called my sister to keep me busy.

i have this major tendency to purposely torture myself....ever get like that? almost like it feels good..kinda like when you have a bruise and you keep pressing on it, even though it hurts, just to see if it STILL hurts. heh, weird.

here goes another all-nighter. i just wanna take the damn thing already.

emotions. destiny's child. i heard this song on my playlist today....aahhh, the memories ;)

can i just drive my car already?? im in need of a long drive to never never land.

drained

seriously...this is has been one of the most tiring weeks ever. ive been majorly sleep deprived. senate meetings were emotional...i think the whole room was speechless. all i can say is...wow, you are one STRONG woman. i admire that. thank you to everyone who supported PAHC and because of you guys,we recieved our funds, plus the grant money. what does this mean? our benefit concert is all paid for : ) and now we have extra money to possibly get reimbursed for all the money spent out of our own pockets?? hopefully.

thursday seems to be the weekly chill night with the roomies...hahaha. good times in the bathroom. just wait til next time ; >

last night was my first clubbing experience EVER! why? because at home im not allowed out after dark (im being sarcastic) and in berkeley we have no cars. it was for PAHC publicity purposes of course..hahaha. we DID hand out flyers for the concert. so yea...all i can say is that it's not me. guys trying to grab my hand and hold my waist from the back is not cool. they act like predators picking out which girls they would like to dance with, or rather would actually dance with them. sorry, but i dont like to be touched, and if you wanna dance with me, just ask mutherfcker! haha, sorry im a little harsh. maybe im just a prude who will end up old and alone?? oh well, at least i wont have some nasty guy touching me ;p

ochem midterm on tuesday....dont you think thats evil? right before thanksgiving the professor has to stress us out. thanks.

in need of a remedy

its been quite eventful the past days....emotional, frustrating, fun, and all of the above.

-funding for our annual benefit concert has been frustrating...i feel helpless in trying to help our impoverished people in the philippines. endless meetings, efforts, and struggles. things have been looking better though... :crossing fingers:

-filipino empowerment day...why did it seem it was more for the college students than for the high schoolers? berkeley, davis, santa cruz....it doesnt matter guys.

-ice skating with PAHC was the time of my life. who else makes the ice skating rink into a dance club while doing the electric slide in the middle of the ice? the filipinos of course.

-EMOTIONS, feelings, ANGER run uncontrollably wild this weekend. i cried like i never did before, i yelled like it was nobody's business, i ran away...to find what ive needed all along. to realize I was the one hurting myself by letting you get to me. you shut me out, something i never have, NOR would have done to you. would i take the email back? probably not, i had to say it, even if it was out of anger. i was sooo upset, so frustrated with myself, trapped in a world that was not me. what am i supposed to do? learn to deal with it...how? im still figuring it out, even 6 months later. trust...i think we lost that in each other a long time ago. can we ever gain it back? time...something we never let each other have completely. better late than never. ive got good, no, wonderful friends. thanks. hope you enjoyed the show :) who's next?

-re-prioritizing.

my heart's beating a million times a minute.

my hands feel like theyre shaking, but i look down and theyre not.

thoughts rule my mind.

i think its gone, but it always creeps up on me, right when i think im ok.

what is this??

make it go away. please.

blogging cause i can

-little darius is now 13...WOW. he's too old. i wanna shrink him back to a baby.

-dinner with the old roomie lora was good times...wonderful conversations and experiences shared again. thai house is always great. i thought it was just me "missing the...more than the"...but good to know she feels it too :) haha

-senior show was soo awesome. we're up next?? daaamn.....

-epiphany: every weekend everyone goes out and has fun partying and what not. I on the other hand, always seem to choose otherwise and stay home and study. why?? i have no idea. so today im gonna take a walk on the wild side and actually step out of this apartment on this wonderful weekend, afterall thats what weekends are for right?? im feeling outrageous....im actually gonna have FUN! - thats my aways from today. i really need to start letting loose and taking advantage of college life. but why is it that when i DO go out, i feel like school zoomed right passed me and left me in the dust trailing behind?? last time i REALLY went out and had fun was.....september for the PAA party?? LAME!!

rudeness

thats one of the things that gets to about people. how can people be so rude??

story #1: got to the bus stop around 9:15 on my way to the hospital hoping to catch the 9:22. i waited....and waited. soon this other lady comes and sits on the bench with me and we wait together. she asked for the time and i told her it was 9:40 and ive been waiting here since 9:15. we're both pretty upset and frantic because we're late to where ever we have to go. by 9:50 she suggests we walk up the block to check if there was a detour stop being that there was construction going on near our stop. we walked up the corner and right when we got there we see the bus coming and i run hella quick back to the stop knowing that bus drivers are fckn ruthless and will pass right by you. i make it in time, but the other lady i was with was still struggling. and right when i step on the bus the driver closes the door and i tell her, "hold on, another person was waiting too." then she yells hella loud, "well then move out the way and mind your own business!" i was in fckn shock. i went to my seat and felt like crying. i hate when people yell at me...especially when i did nothing wrong. aint my fault your a fckn hour late! i contemplated whether or not to call her a bitch when i got off the bus. but no, im not gonna be rude back. instead that was one less "thank you" she didnt get that day.

story #2: roel and i were walking back home through campus last night and passing by the bear's lair (on campus pub) he sees the laker game on. he was bout to walk in and check the score but this guy stopped him asking for id. roel asked if he could just check the score and was allowed inside. i wait outside and he says to me,"you definetely cant come in. youre a youngin," tryin to act like he was the shit or something. i was like, "what?! im 20 years old and im turning 21 next month." then he says, "well come back next month." OMG....what the fck dude? i say to him, "well i wasnt even trying to get in anyways." and walk away. okaaaaaaaaay?! was that even necessary??

errrrrrrrrrr.....what is wrong with people today??! get some common sense and manners puhh-lease!

Roenn turns one year old today..HAH...corny. i know ;p

one year six months ago-yellowcard.

vote or die

i voted in my first presidential election....John F. Kerry.

EDIT:
Bush won. this should be interesting?? maybe its because im in my "berkeley bubble" where pretty much everyone is anti-Bush, but i really did think Kerry was gonna win.

can't concentrate

two midterms and two presentations coming up this week....but im having an incredibly hard time concentrating on schoolwork right now. it's just me and sherlyn home, as usual, and everyone's at the cal game. what's wrong with me? i just sit on the couch staring into space, not even with anything on my mind. hmmm....

last night sherlyn and i hosted our PAHC core/intern gathering. it was very nice. people left early to go the corn maize thingy...we stayed and entertained the rest of the guest. once everyone left around 9, we had a quiet evening of watching full house and cosby show. i love those shows.

today was the Walk for Diabetes in SF. it was damn cold and i was in shorts. walked 2 miles...wait, make that 3 because the walk to and from the car was a freakin mile itself. it felt good being SF. i love that city.

i seriously need to go to the Palace of Fine Arts before i leave the bay area. id go by myself to just sit there to think if i had a car. if only....

oh yea...finally got a much needed haircut.

still tired

Friendship games- FUN
random highlights...
-room packed full of juniors and getting no sleep
-our kick ass cheers
-my "youth small" tshirt
-running into susan unexpectedly
-seeing the boys from high school
-the socal weather : )
-downtown disney (lets go on a date there!)
-the grudge (sherlyn holding on to me)
-sf state mooning us on the road
-playing mafia in the van 10 million times and winning my first game as mafia all by myself
-sherlyn's tennis ball

all this while on my rag...haha.

oh maaaaaaan....................stuuuuuuuupid!

jealousy gets the best of everyone...sucks huh? : /

-i won a $100 gift certificate to the student store from a raffle i entered. crazy. dont think ive ever won anything like that. or may i have...i did win nsync tickets way back when. i think ill buy my family some cal gear for christmas.

-my auntie's baby had to be taken out at 7months due to complications. one pound. wow. i hope the baby girl survives...we've all be lookin forward to the new addition to the family. God please take care of her.

-round 1 midterms are finally over. id say they went pretty well. round 2 starts in 2 weeks. how fun is that?

-i hate waiting for people.

-hope it doesnt rain this weekend in socal...let's all get there and back in one piece please.

ahem....

you know what i HATE? people who dont know how to act....forreal. oh, and the rain

you know what i MISS? having someone make things better just by being there. even when you dont know what's bother you. and i cant forget san diego.

you know what i LOVE? people who make me laugh. and most especially my family.

you know what i NEED? to ace my ochem midterm tomorrow. WHICH is why im heading to the library right now and staying there til i rot.

that felt good :)

it's been awhile...

not much to say...

went grocery shopping all the way at the travis air force base with sherlyn on saturday. thanks to jely for trusting us with her car. we needed food desperately. i love comissary, where else are you gonna get prices like that? the 45 minute drive is worth it. which is why i need to marry a military man cause i aint tryin to have those safeway prices all my life.

its been soo hot the past few days. i love it. finally i can wear my skirts again.

my dad loves me. he always makes sure my bank account is full and tells me to use my credit card if i dont have cash. spoiled?? yea right. all my money is spent on food. i swear its like 20 bucks a week. not to mention bills, bills, bills.... we live on a tight budget here...right sherry? muahahaha.

looking forward to...friendship games next weekend!!

"AWAKE"

feelin a little emo...

im such an asshole. at least i can admit it right?? ive never had anyone make me soo feel horrible for acting
like a punk. but what can i do? karma i guess....so maybe i deserve it?? sorry.

so im really really tryin to not think about things...actually the little time i DONT spend on thinking about school, PAHC, etc is spent thinking it. so here's my little vent session. dont wanna know, dont wanna care, dont want it. but i like it. catch my drift?? so dont ask. ill keep it at that. if i dont expect anything, then ill never be disappointed. just gotta keep reminding myself of that. or maybe i just need to take a step back?

I'm scared I'll miss the way we use to talk
And if its all forever lost dont wanna know
I'm scared that you're the one that got away
And i want you here with me
Tonight, will never come

i just wanted everyone to know that i hate the cold. it makes me miserable.

the end.

note to self for the future: be a punk and you'll get punked back.
(hmm...why does it feel like ive written this before?)

breather

things have been MAD hectic lately....school, PAHC, social life (as little as it may be)...everything is piling up out of nowhere.

last week was just all bad. i was cursed or something??? anyways...finally got a new position at the hospital and i now work at the school. i love it ; ) its soo much more interactive and i actually feel like im doing something.

last friday was madel's party...too bad it got popped around 12:30. it was kinda scary cause i went downstairs to open the door for some folks and when i got there, i see like 10 guys ready to crash. one of them even offered money to get in the party? okaaay??! i guess the crowd outside attracted attention and the cops knocked on our door. i answered. they weren't that bad. kinda funny. he liked my hair ;) oh yea, monica came over too...i swear like 20 morse heads were over. we took a shot and did our "mooooooor-ris" cheer with our shot glasses in the air. haha...dumb. but it was all in good fun.

saturday was a day at the park with the folks from PASS and REACH. chillen was cool. good weather. ended the day with crazy-ass cramps. boo to that.

geezus the week is almost over!! friday is full of meetings all day though....then study all weekend for 2 midterms next week. kinda excited?? haha...maybe cause i bought a bunch of cool flashcards. im a geek.

the "after party" on kay ann's futon

sake!

roomies minus kay ann

feelin guilty

its been too much fun lately...and a lot of NOT getting enough work done :(

didnt even talk about camping....maan that was HELLA fun!! i wanna go again! Tahoe was freakin bee-U-ti-FUL! too many good times, laughs, inside jokes, stories shared....aww...everything was just wonderful ; ) i even had my first s'mores, and i really want some more. make me some why dont ya??

PAA party was hella fun. awww..the girls soo cute that night! even if the crowd down-sized from last year....it was good times ; )

sake bombing for the first time too...hahah. i suck.

maybe ill get pics from madel later?? haha..k. gotta study now. guilt sucks. NEED TO WORK.

it just hit me...

i just realized that the only person i can truly depend on is MYSELF. i mean, i always knew this of course. but just now it was as if i just figured out a puzzle. HEH...funny how God has his ways of lifting me up when im about to fall : )

: )

PAHC retreat in LAKE TAHOE!! allllriiiiight!! ive never been camping my whole life...(except for 6th grade camp that doesnt count cause we were in cabins)....can you tell how excited i am??! yay yay yay!

thank YOU for....reminding me.

labor day weekend?

tiring, thats for sure.

first of all...may madel's grandmother rest in peace. didnt really know how to make her feel better since ive never experienced the loss of someone close. but im just glad she got to go home and be with her family.

saturday stayed in and did homework all daaaaay loooong. wait, n/m. sherlyn and i took the bus to safeway. put ourselves on a $50 budget. so as we grabbed everything on the list, we pre-calculated the total so we wouldnt be surprised at the register like last time. didnt even have enough for cheese : ( we're walking through the store saying "this is soo saad," because it was.

sunday was ALL-CORE from 9-5 with all the other pil-orgs. it was fun and productive, but very mind draining. then right after we had our own PAHC core meeing til 8:30, then church at 10. THEN...party at the arctech. geezus....i quickly fell asleep listening to sherlyn bump into walls as she got ready for bed : ) haha. finally saw monica in berk and julius who came to for the kanye concert.

monday was more homework and more reading. roel cooked me and sherlyn dinner ; ) sweet.

first week...DONE

8AM's. mom-fri...not so bad after all. actually, i think i like em'. (did i just say that??) gets me up for the day instead of wasting half the day in bed. i also get more time to study during the day. mondays are the worst though...8am-6pm straight with one hour break...oh well, one day right? im really motivated this semester. AND im enjoying school right now. of course still panicked and worried, but this time in a much more calm, optimistic fashion. "KEEP IT UP JENN."

things are really good right now. REALLY good. dont want this to fade. i wont let anything get in my way...especially me.

taking a chance with MYSELF :)

GONE

summer, fun, carefree days...its all gone :SIGH:

i guess we brought san diego weather back with us cause its been HELLA hot in berkeley! (but i aint complainin')...good seeing folks again. cant help but wish i wasnt in berkeley though...("err, deal with it jenn.") party last night at the guys...fun. eh, not really when youre the only sober one. so i let myself have one shot and it gave me a MAD headache.

school's quickly approaching. 8 AM's M-F...cant wait. this should be fun. i still need to get my books. FCK. met a couple new jr transfers..Hmmm..

song of the summer was definetely "pieces of me," but right now im feelin kelly clarkson's "break away"

"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Tho its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget the place I come from.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away."

makes me wanna run into the rain and twirl with my arms wide open like no other...i just wanna be...


"content"

back to reality

summer's over : ( but it was fun while it lasted. got to DO a lot, EAT a lot, and SHOP a lot

saturday:
my mom wanted some bamboo plants so we got up early to get some at swapmeet. (i havent been there since i was a little girl. ) why do we have to pay 50 cents admission? hmm...then more shoppin for those early bird specials at robinson's may. just me, my mom, and my sis...inn n out for lunch was tasty :) later that night we headed to the movies with the whole cousin clan. I LOVE Princess Diaries!

Sunday:
church...ate at CPK with the fam : ) then more cousin bonding at my aunties house. i cant believe how all the little ones are growing up...makes me sad.

Monday:
FINALLY hung out with kristine and susan...shopped (AGAIN!) all day. it was fun catching up with these girls. ya'll are too funny!

Tuesday:
errands all day...getting ready to head back to berkeley :(

tomorrow's a busy day too...flight at 7:40pm. still need to clean and pack...i have too much stuff. this sucks.

ps...i love nick lachey! (jessica too) he's too too sweeeeet. can i get a husband like that?? five years from now that is ;)

friday already? :(

damn...the week went by too fast. its been fun hanging out in san diego's gorgeous weather. WEDnesday the berkeley folks finally found the time to kick it after two years of knowing each other....the girls (madel and sherlyn) and i took mr chris rombaoa out for his bday. lunch at islands....good stuff. maybe we were a little too loud? i dont know...but it was full of great convos. then since chris was a life guard and all...we took a trip to the eastlake lake and i FINALLY got to ride a paddle boat and do some canoeing, it was the perfect date for all of us :) THURSday i hung out with the CASIN patricia before she left...of course we went shopping. feels good to have new clothes, i forgot what it felt like (pitiful). then today...stayed home while the little cousins came over. we snuck out to buy ice cream man. it was great! oh, the childhood memories ; )

i need a change....haircut? its in the process of growing back and my mom is scaring me that they're gonna cut it shorter again : / how bout some highlights?? who knows where i can get it cheap and have it done right?

time for an update...

im lazy...but i feel like writing....here goes some quick tabs:

-last night in berk was one of the FUNNEST nights ever!!
i got drunk...yes i did ;p and i took the shots pretty well too, i made myself proud! oh maan...good times for sure being drunk with sherlyn ;) i think everyone was pretty much wasted too...but what'd ya expect right?? too bad half the party was spent at the kitchen sink throwing up :( muchos gracias to roel for watching over me.
-the morning after was HORRIBLE
flight at 3:10pm...must leave for the airport by 1pm...DIDNT HAPPEN. what i thought was a hangover ended up as major dehydration...AGAIN. non-stop vomiting....errrr....another trip to the ER. this time it took 4 IV bags to get me alive again. stayed there til 2am...another muchos gracias to roel for stickin with me the whole time and to sherlyn for dealing with my weak ass. i figured it out....anything that will cause me to lose ANY bodily fluid will get me to the ER (i.e. alcohol and my rag if i dont drink 10x the amount water before/during it than i usually do) :( im such a sickly person. i need to gain more weight...trust me, easier said than done. (ok...so why am i telling the whole world my health issues??)
-FINALLY BACK in SD on saturday
home is lovely
-SUNDAY
fam day....saw sherlyn at this restaurant with her fam too...hahha. guranteed first person i see in SD. and thats a promise. i dont mind though...i love the roomie
-MONDAY
errands then cousin day at my aunties new house. watched two WHOLE tapes of home video from when we all went to PI....i miss those times :( we're all too old now
-TUESDAY
shopping with the mamma....

i really love it here in SD...the weather, fam, food...thats it for now....sorry so boring.

ps....preston i didnt know you read this...aww, i feel special! come shop with us :)

its OVER biatch!

just got back from my final and im feelin' oh so damn f*ckN GOOD!! :)

finally MYreal summer has began....its been a long awaited, waaay long awaited. CRaaAAaaaazAY...i cant believe i survived the whole summer being in school. didnt even get a damn break between the end of the semester and the first session of summer...nor the second session. WHEW....thank God for the folks who were here in the summer too, ya'll seriously kept me sane and made it fun!

now its time to go home, relax, see the fam, catch up with friends, have FUN, and for ONCE not think about school...for 13 days at least.

what comes before part B??

paaaaart-A!!

ps...who left the last comment? mike???
edit: mike said its not him.....so who is it?? : /

...

- weather has been extremely good to us the past couple days (knock on wood) i hope it stays like this.

- i really want, no wait, NEED to go shopping...seriously. last time was.....spring break?? i pity my(raggedy)self.

- been having too much fun lately....is that bad?

- hmmm....and i dont care anymore....is that good?

k...gtg now. im wasting time....goodnight to you. And happy studying to me.

oh yea....and somebody out there apparently loves me but was feelin a little shy to put their name. (ahem, madel.) but its alright...i love you too.

too early to be chillen :(

its been a bad week...too much chillen and not enough studying. i feel guilty. "wait til NEXT week jenn" plus its been awfully difficult for me to concentrate lately. i hate that...even when i WANT to study. the mind keeps drifting to other places.

the other day tricia and i got into high school CRUSH mode when we were pickin out the cute guys in our ochem classes....hahaha...that was fun ;) surprisingly there's actually quite a few.

update on summer: oregon is scractched out ; ) now i have to re-purchase my cancelled flight which is gonna cost more :(

i think i bring too much stress and drama upon myself. i need to quit it.

errr...2 more weeks!

school seriously needs to end right now. im soo tired....sooo soo tired.

change of plans for the summer: instead of goin straight to sd, my family is gonna pick me up on the way to oregon to visit some relatives. excited? not really. i was more looking forward to bumming it for the TEN free days that i have to finally RELAX. oh well...

today i came across this website....

http://scripts.lovingyou.com/mdb/search.cgi?mdb=quotes&cat=inlove&pg=0&rec=10

i dont know why, but it made me smile and feel good. i read a good amount of them.

"to love is to have a heart, but to be in love is to make it beat"

my butt hurts

ive been sitting in this same fckn chair since 8:30 pm. its now what time?? almost 3 am. minus of course field trips to the toilet and the fridge. ochem is taking over me. my eyes hurt. starbucks two nights in a row. gotta love my white mochas ;)

now, back to the notecards...

couldnt't have said it any better

colorgenics.com:

It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your 'private' or 'business' life - whatever ... what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.

Everything seems to be going against you at this time. Try as you may you are meeting with considerable resistance at every turn. Nothing is going as you would plan. The situation is difficult and you are trying to persist in your objectives against resistance. It would appear that you are being very secretive about your future plans just in case people around you try to thwart you.

You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions.
You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!
 
...i wanna go back to THAT world...

quickie

saturday i earned my FIRST paycheck EVER! yup...and all i did was sit around, walk around, and eat a bunch of food from 6:30AM to 4:30PM. a group of us signed up to be an extra for some educational/non-profit commercial that they were filming on campus and we got $100 for it. heck yea...jealous?? you should be ; p haha...just jokin'
 
volunteering at the children's hospital was fun on friday. i  got to work in the play room rather than the teen lounge...FUN stuff. THIS is what i want to do. i went in there tired, not really feelin like working. but once i was around the kiddies, my face lit up. LITERALLLY. babies always bring a smile to my face....no matter where i am or what mood im in. they have soo much spirit and soo much energy in them...i feed off their goodness. 
 
familiar feelings are back.

its the SAME old thing...

i wanna run away....just for a LITTLE while. you feel??

nothing suits my mood lately. not the songs i listen to, the food i eat, the clothes i have to spend 20 minutes picking out every morning, NOTHING!! i guess its the little thing we all have inside us where we always want MORE.
 
thinking too much is never any good. realizations.  im frustrated. im tired. ill get over it in a minute.
 
:EXHALE:
(that felt good)
 
time for my afternoon nap....the only thing that i look forward to every day ; )

teeth? 2015? ill be 31 years old :( and they spelled crowd wrong...haha. im talkin like this is actually true.

Your Love Life by lpfloatsmyboat
Name/username/nickname:
favorite color:
best physical quaility:	teeth
best personality trait:	you don't follow the croud
will you marry your bf/gf that you have now?	it depends
when will you get married?	January 17, 2015
your kiss is:	short and sweet
People date you because:	you're everything they want in a girl/guy
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Stalling...

don't ask me why im blogging when i hardly have done any work this weekend. i haaate schoool! im impatiently waiting for my summer to begin
:(

anyways....since all ive been doin is chillen might as well recap. friday i watched "a cinderella story," it was cute. kinda made me miss high school. and WE ALL KNOW that chad michael murray is hot sh*t! all day saturday was spent with PAHC. glad we had the time to finally get to know each other on core.  met up at 8:30am to pack medical supplies for the Mission (a yearly effort to send medical care to the Philippines). then had our first real meeting at san pablo dam. FINALLY got to sit in front of some water and just think. it was beautiful ; ) im excited about whats ahead for us this year. got back around 7:30pm and slept til 10:30pm. shouldnt have done that, but i needed my sleep desperately. later that night we went downstairs cause roel was having a shindig with his high school buddies. dont really know why i decided to go...but i really like hanging out with them, they crack me up. and after hearing about this boy time after time....finally met the infamous gerard. hahaha...it was weird cause we're like, "damn ive heard soo much about you!" it was a fun night.
 
im such a hypocrite. punish me. but the past few days ive been feeling more empty than i have this whole time.
 
**wish i was home for my mom's bday**
 
ps...i just notice the word "finally" used about everything i did. weird.

LOST

ever feel like youre in a "lose-lose" situation? like no matter what decision you make it doesnt feel right and nothing makes sense. yup...sucks majorly. its NOT what I want. but its whats best.  im hurting. youre hurting. i dont know what else to do.  if there was an easier way to get through things, trust me, i'd pick that path in a heartbeat. you needed time, and im giving it to you. now i just have to deal with things on my own, MY way. im sorry :(
  
"Tell him I need him

Tell him I love him

And it'll be alright"

-lauryn hill

back to square one

NOTHING is perfect.
EVERYTHING is a lie.
ANYTHING is always possible.

its time to detach.
new perspectives and new experiences.

no more please....no more.

eventful

thursday: big day for me...ochem quiz, problem set due, ethnic studies final, recieve final prompt for essay due on friday....i was ready for it, but my stomach wasnt! i woke up with mad cramps, dizziness, nausea. vomitted yellow stuff all day. my mom got worried and rallied up the whole fam to drive up here. in the meantime norwin (bless his heart) drove me all the way to the travis airforce base so i could get some ER action. 2 IVs and i felt as good as new. thanks to EVERYONE who helped my little sick ass out. madel..playin the role of mom who held my hair back and rubbed my back as i threw up every 10 min. (literally), roel for missing his midterm review just to be with me at the hospital, norwin for using his gas, sherlyn and everyone else for the cute notes...maraming salamat!

friday: i feel soo loved...my parents drove 10 hours just to see me. the fam came over and saw my new apartment. couldnt do much cause i had my volunteer training and ortho so they just went to the mall wihtout me. stayed at the travis base and ate some bomb homecookin! also almost caught a duck.

saturday: got me some MAD food at comissary courtesy of the parents and headed back to berkeley since the fam was leaving back for SD. (thank you God for their safe trip) began the horrid process of making up my final online...that shit was hard! stayed up til 5:30am doin my essay and wokeup at 8 to finish it up.

sunday: NO sleep recovery at all. headed to the berkeley marina with some good company. walked miles (exaggerated) to get there since they closed down the roads to get there. had some little del mar/seaport action. overpriced foods, forreal. it was MAD packed with folks. fire works sucked cause the fog took over the marina. but we enjoyed what we could. there were these cute little chubbies behind us that screamed their butts off and jumped as high as they could everytime we got a good firework. came back to the apartment...drank, chilled, set off a firework on campus at 2am, slept at 4. memorable ;)

monday: made us some chicken tinola. family style meals all weekend...good stuff.

just cause...

so i blog a lot...who cares. it gives YOU and ME somthing to do. anyways...i have this huge urge to just drive my hot red car around sunny san diego with the music turned up...where nothing in the world matters except for me and the road. haha, ok that sounded a lil too perfect. but really though, i miss driving my car, especially when its just me in it. i dont know where id drive to, but at least ill be driving somewhere :SIGH: im thinkin seaport or la jolla shores, somewhere where i can just sit and look at the water. serenity.

i really really am not having it anymore. next time youre put into a "do i listen to my head or do i listen to my heart" situation. id pick the head. definetly.
i need some self-empowerment right now. i wanna feel on top of the world. i wanna get on my own high.

follow up

i got my chair..yeees!

i found out that sherlyn wants a dog too. i think we're gonna get a fish or something.

our internet is slowly coming together...one computer at a time. haha.

i still want/need to watch the notebook.

got my fortune read by the best fortune teller (sherlyn). got kinda emotional hearing everything...it couldnt have been more accurate.

i think im used to everything now.

so fresh and so clean

i love how the new apartment is soo fresh. feels nice. but we're having issues with our dsl and we're being cheap by putting off getting some cable for out tv. oh well...at least it makes me study! but i still wish we had internet and cable. so the guys live right below us...funny huh? chris ramiro, roel, norman, and chris's brother. its fun though cause we can make as much noise as we want and get zero knocks on our door. wonderful!

ive been watching a lot of animal planet lately...animal curelty is sad. i wanna adopt a dog now.

i also wanna watch the notebook cause i feel like being sad and happy and crying. but i have no one to watch it with since madel and sherlyn watched it already.

i also need a chair for my desk. i wish i had a car so i can get one myself.

ok...ill quit being a brat. this entry sounds like a christmas list or something.

Goodbye Gaia

sorry...i had to post on my last day at the Gaia...my first apartment. now, we're moving across the street (literally) to a bigger, and CHEAPer complex. we had plenty of goodtimes here...dinners, kick-its, study nights...we did it all. its been great. To my Gaia girls...thanks! (even though ill still be living with half of them ; >) for being considerate roomies...most of the time ;p haha...just jokin! To the Gaia building, panoramic management, and neighbors: you've been SEMI-good to us...and we've been HORRIBLE to you. but ya gotta admit, we added some life to this building! so long ya'll...fck the $2400 monthly rent! (and we better get a good amount of our deposit back) gaia girls are out!

ps...last time i ended the count of how many times we got in trouble was 11. lets make that about 15, give or take a few. we did still get in trouble after we made that lady move out ;p

STONE

thats what leo calls me and i guess thats what ive been. im surprised myself at how strong i've been. i have YET to breakdown. music and friends have been my therapy. i dont hate him. he did nothing wrong. we're in college, and experience is everything...so i guess i understand somewhat of what he's going through. FRIENDS...yes, it is possible and today is perfect evidence. we still love each other...DEFINETLY. i can see it and i can feel it. all i can do is accept and see where fate takes us. i trust HIS words. he's still the perfect person in my eyes.

even if- jocelyn enriquez

Butterfly

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were ment to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were ment to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't over flowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way
It feels to fly

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were ment to be
So spread your wings and fly
My Butterfly

Refreshing

that's exactly what this weekend was. even though it was busy, filled with errands, graduations, parties...it just feels nice to be surrounded by family. it went by too quickly : / i think this was the first time i went home and had ZERO mexican food. oh well. hopefully ill be back in august. oh yea, i think i heard the worst speeches at the UCHS graduation. sorry..but really though, tell me why the val's speech consisted of personal thank you's to teachers and reading the whole dr. suess book, "oh the places we will go." ??? and tell me why some rude lady was yelling her son's name during the moment of silence for ronald regan?? okaaay?? i thought that was hella rude.

its official...i am the world's SLOWEST essay writer. started my 3-7 page paper at 2pm right after i got back, and ended at 3:30am. its been a long time since i even attempted a paper since im full of science classes....so dont hate. i got it done.

when roel picked me up at the airport he surprised me with roses and my favorite chocolate (hershey's cookies and cream)...with no occasion. what a sweetheart.

dad: who picked you up?
me: roel
dad: who's roel?
me: dad...you met him remember?
dad: oh yea, the short one. the short, good-looking one.

haha...i thought it was funny.

home sweet home ; >

back in sd baaaby! havent been home in a hot one. lovin' it...lovin' it! let me tell you though...yesterday was some random-ass day:

1. a previous student of my professor walks into the review session room and starts cussing him out. okaay?? what an asshole cause our professor is fckn cool.
2. VERY random IM from an OLD friend. haha...all i can say is, "WOW."
3. ANOTHER random IM from..."scar boy"

muhahaha....sorry no details. i guess its more funny if you knew the stories behind it. Enywaaaaayz...my dad is soo comedy. im walkin toward the van and he runs out and hugs me. cute ; > whenever im back, i feel so nostalgic. its just something about the air and familiar atmosphere that makes me smile. stepping into the house i do my usual walk-around, inspecting whats different and whats new....and i see kittens! im gonna bring one back to berkeley. for now, im lookin forward to graduations, good times with the fam, and FOOD. im eatin' my mufckN heart out cause ya know we be goin through some famines in berkeley. weather is good, family is good, i couldnt be any more happier ; > oh wait, i can. my mom gave me a louis vuitton wallet...muhahaha. she loves me!

my spirits have been lifted, home is what i needed.

5 AM

i dont know what the fck im doin up right now. i cant sleep for shit. been up since 3 and finally decided to do some reading...but not before i vent real quick...

call me drama, a brat, whatever...and ill accept it. college is about finding yourself, right? so why do i feel like i lost apart of me?



...trying to get over the "hump"

bringin it back

this was some day though. this morning i was chattin it up with kristine about our stresses with school and what not. havent talked to this girl nor seen this girl in forever. good stuff to know other people feel me. let's go to the same grad school, yea?? then leo and i take a stroll down memory lane with our yearbooks....okaay?? hella random. bittersweet memories i must say. part of me wants to go back...but for the most part i rather not. eh, maybe im just feelin old. then tonight nate IMs out of the blue. funny that these things come all at once. just makes me think how much things, including me, have changed. growing up is NOT easy.

oh yea, i just realized what an impatient person i am : / i need to fix that.

movies

lately ive been watching at least one movie a day...weird for me being that i hardly have patience to watch one.

cheaper by the dozen- i cried
shrek- i laughed
the last samurai- i felt inspired
love actually- i was disappointed (sorry guys)
once upon a time in mexico- i fell asleep
HBO movie about the first heart surgery, which was actually thought up by a black man (i forgot the title)- i loved it
remember the titans- i felt the love

im lovin these "feel-good" movies...forreal though. makes me wanna go out there and conquer the world pushing all fears and pessimism aside :sigh: anything is possible if you got the heart. right???



ps. 13 months

been a long time eh? soo much has happened since school ended...grad parties, pil grad, grad bash, summer school. BLEH...ill be up in berk the whole summer for school. so far my only plans for going home is in june for my cousin's graduations. sometimes i just get tired of being here ;( so come visit guys!

story: walking up to the bouncer at grad bash, i handed him my military ID and he looked at it and said, "so you get one of these." and hands me a wristband for the bar. and i said, "no, im only 20." dumbfck! and dont ask me why i told the truth instead of taking advantage of his ignorance.

To my intelligent, smart, and very beautiful daughter,
Attached you will find your vaccination record. Let me know if there is anything else that you need. I will do anything to support and provide whatever you need to become successful. I know you are doing your part too especially, you are now 20 and smarter than ever before. Be a good girl always and a good man will come to your life someday after 15 years from now. :-) We love you very much.

I love you,
Dad

my dad cracks me up.

BAM BAM BAM!...and its over...guess who did the shooting? Three motha F-ing finals in two days. i cant believe im still alive. well...at least physically. emotionally and mentally im dead. studied 24 hours a day for 7 days straight. so there we have it....second year of college is over. its definetly been the toughest and hopefully the only year ill have of this sort. im still trying to keep my head up. its harder than it sounds, trust me. oh lord, help a sister out! i cant believe we're third years...time goes by too fast. i just wanna graduate. i see all the graduations goin on on campus and i just get happy...hopefully ill be up on stage receiving my diploma in two years. anyways....i leave you guys with this

Jennifer Obaña, Your ideal job is a Brain Surgeon. HAHAHA...let me fix up MY brain first, ya feel?
whats yours? http://www.jobpredictor.com/index.asp

ps. thanks diana for the wonderful note!

blogger is movin' on up! heck yea.........

anyways...i need a break. these past few days i have literally spent EVERY WAKING hour studying. if it wasnt for my review sessions everyday, i dont think i would have stepped out of the apartment. i cant believe i re-read my ochem book, im crazy. the breaks i did have consisted of cooking/eating/fixing up this blog. i seriously feel like IM LOSING IT. as it gets closer to monday, my heart starts beating fast any my eyes start to water...but i cant let it out. not yet at least, not til AFTER i take all my finals. its my last full day of studying. im going insane. i cant take this anymore. "just a couple more days jenn..." SUCK IT UP!

on a side note, we had a "reunion" with my old floormates last week. it was sweet. sad to see earl leaving berkeley for awhile, but i gotta give it up to him for doing what he has to do. im gonna miss that crazy mofo.

once the ball starts rolling, i cant make it stop

ummm yea........

pics from semi...

colorgenics.com:
You have exaggerated demands on life but you are cautious enough to try to hide these beliefs from the outside world. You are covert enough to try to impress other people around you with your achievements and at the same time able to put on an act of pretending to be 'humble' - being the same as everyone else. It would appear, however, that whatever you are doing seems to be working out O.K.

The way things are at this time is causing you considerable stress and anxiety. Your friends and acquaintances consider you to be - to say the least - difficult and unapproachable. Now it is because of this that you need to find some sort of solution. By doing nothing and waiting for matters to right themselves will only make things worse, but don't rush into making hasty decisions - make haste slowly.

The way things are, you feel that you are stuck in a rut and there is not much you can do about it. You feel frustrated and inhibited but if you can find a way to let yourself go, you may find that things aren't quite so bad as perhaps you thought they were. One consolation is that since you are an extremely emotional individual, with the right person you may be able to release some of that frustration and tension with some mutual tender loving care.

All of your stress arises from lack of mutual understanding. The existing situation is unsatisfactory and you feel that you are unable to improve it without the help and co-operation of others. The need for understanding and for affectionate 'give and take' remains unsatisfied. You are experiencing the feeling of being 'handcuffed' - 'tied down' - 'hindered' - 'restrained' and this untenable situation is giving rise to impatience, irritability and the desire to escape from it all.

In the past your trusting attitude has often been misunderstood and so you have needed to protect yourself against your tendency to be abused and taken advantage of. As a consequence you possibly adopt an aloof and critical attitude and you are only willing to let your guard down once sincerity and trustworthiness can be assured.

couldnt be anymore true...

this is the last time im blogging til finals are over....(so i say, but who knows!)

guess what??? sherlyn and i made PAHC core!! yaaaaaaaaaay! (Pilipino Americans for Health Careers) wow dude....we went through soo many emotions from before applying, turning in our apps, walking to the interview, and then after the interviews. crazy stuff but in the end im glad we were wrong. :D im soo freakin excited! i got secretary and sherlyn is publicity. now WE're ALL on staff! (madel and roel are in PASS) good good stuff! it definetly feels good to hold a position in an organization again. SIGH (a good one)...i feel somewhat complete now with school, volunteering, and now core.

status for next week is HARDCORE HERMIT (with the exception of a few obligations).....i HAVE to do well on my finals or im screwed. so its gonna be studying and a bunch of final reviews and final mock exams....its the end of the year, might as well kick some ass! go big or go home right? im ready...

monday (may 17): Ochem 5-8
tuesday (may 18): Stat 8-11, Physics 5-8

shit! its gonna be tough : /

ONE year :D

to be continued.....NOW

so one year right? i seriously cant believe it still. roel never really asked me to be his g/f. it just kinda fell into place. i see it as ONE YEAR of BEING together. so our anniversary is actually the day of our first date, which was the night after semi formal. roel surprised me last saturday (day after semi) dressed up in same outfit he wore that first night....cuuute! so we basically relived our first date in san francisco with a couple detours to berkeley marina and treasure island. the whole night was just nostalgic. then at midnight on may 3rd, roel came to my apartment and we gave each other our gifts.....he wrote me a poem and placed it in a huge frame with flower petals around it AND made a scrapbook of us. soo cute and sweet! for him, i blew up one of our pics into a puzzle that said "we fit together" on it (corny but cute so shut up!) and put in a frame i painted. i loved our gifts! it means soo much more to me that WE acutally took the time to make stuff for each other. I dont need no necklace or bracelet to show how much he loves me. then that night i surprised him (with the help of madel and sherlyn...muchos gracias!) with a candle light dinner at sunset on the rooftop....it was perfect. we even had some sparkling cider ; > and there goes our one year celebration...

i love him....and couldnt be any more IN LOVE and HAPPY! the year was full of GOOD TIMES.. i can honestly say that i still get the butterflies when im around him, every kiss is like our first, and everytime he holds me its like i never want to let go. i dont know how long we'll last...but i know in the meantime we're perfect for each other. people said that after 3 months, the honeymoon stage is over....but i still feel it....then people say after one year, things change...but we wont let that happen. no one has ever made me feel soo good ; >

ive had MAJOR PMS lately : / im such a freakin brat sometimes. so last night was PAA's semi formal...and i freakin CRIED cause i got frustrated with my hair. if i was madel, sherlyn, or val i would have slapped myself! omg...can we say drama?? then i realized ive pretty much done that for all my formals in high school. its the "rushed" feeling that gets to me. but hey...if you dont feel pretty, whats the point of getting dressed up right? so anyways, the girls came to my rescue and did my hair. thanks guys, especially for putting up with me! err, the thought of it urks me! the dance was alright, last year was definetly better cause more people came out. everyone looked all cute and "jazzed up" (that was the theme). sucks to be me though cause i was fighting them cramps the whole night. geezus....i need to quit it!

im so excited about volunteering at the children's hospital in oakland this summer! believe it or not, its my first kind of "work experience" ever. again....BRAT.

its a different kind of pain...now i know what it feels like and i DONT like it : (

"it's nothing"

its unusually hot in berkeley lately...

we finally went grocery shopping, settled for albertsons since the comissary is too far. spent $166!! but then i guess the casheir heard us gasp and gave us an extra 5% off.....thank God! and thank God for the albertson's card too cause it saved us an extra 70 bucks! ok...that may have been boring to you guys but to me its a big deal cause shiiii....we've spent the last two weeks surviving on one meal a day! apartment life is tough...seriously.

last night made some pancit palabok! it looked soo pretty...i felt proud.

alright....boring entry, peace out!

i need a vent session. solitude...its a good thing sometimes

so everyone just left for the PCN afterparty. the "pre-party" was actually at our place and we got a call from the manager, whatever though cause we're not staying here next year....the party looks like fun. i dont know why i decided not to go. oh well...its rare that i get some time to myself. hmmm....

:inhale, exhale:

right now im feeling things i DONT want to feel and thinking things i DONT want to think....i have a feeling karma is gonna hit me soon. God works things out in his own way...i trust in him...

i wanna be saved

i forgot....R.I.P. Fish 2/8/03 - 4/16/04

i loved that fish. i remember in the dorms i was the only one who fed it, cleaned its water, and played with it. i loved sitting in front of the bowl and watching him swim. he was a strong one...went a whole week without food cause we all forgot about him during spring break...survived the beer incident when someone poured beer into the fish bowl at a party...he was the last one swimming out of the 13 fish we started with. he even survived jimmy as his caretaker since i couldnt bring him home to sd with me for the summer. poor guy....thanks jimmy though for takin over him ever since. SIGH...i want a new pet now.

seriously the weekend of NO SLEEP

senior weekend was fun..roel got assigned a girl so they just stayed at my place with my senior...theyre soo cute! we had soo much fun showing them around berkeley and taking them places. they even were clever enough to sneak off and buy roel and i a gift. so one of them is coming for sure and the other is still debating...but before she left she said she was going to miss berkeley. i have a feeling im gonna see her this fall. we got all sad when they left saturday :(

new found craving....nations pies! nations is a burger place thats open 24/7 and dude, tell me why it was packed as heck when we went at 3 in the morning?? we waited like 30 min for food. but theyre pies are really good, kinda like marie callenders. after the seniors left we went back and got more pies and guess what? the place was empty and it was around 8ish..freakin weird.

saturday night roel had kill bill vol. 1 but i fell asleep so i didnt watch it, having only 4 hours of sleep knocked me out by 11. pcn was the next day...that was serisously a great show. all the skits were emotionally moving. i hella teared on the skit about depression...afterwards we ate out at thai house and had some BOMBass food.i swear at church EVERYONE was sleeping...so of course we got home and crashed soo hard, felt good ;>

i really dont know what to do anymore....

thank God for the little things in life that can turn a frown upside down in a second

i just wanna say i hate school...or better yet school hates me :( but just cause school and i aren't getting along doesnt mean im going to give up.........NEVER

and one more thing....fck all the mofos who get above the mean when they started studying the day before or even no studying at all.........fckers!!! why didnt they just go to standford or yale? some people are soo lucky they have it easy with school, im jealous.

definetly what i needed! the past two days have been freakin chiiiiil. FRIDAY i found 20 bucks on the ground....yeeeeeeeees! but i shared the wealth and bought sushi for everyone. sherlyn, norman, roel and i played raquetball at the rsf and that was hella fun. even if we had no plans that night it felt sooo good just stiting around. we ended up making a quick candy run to walgreens and watching pirates of the caribbean. saturday i acutally got to wake up passed 8 o clock....havent done that in soo long. then again with no plans....sherlyn and i dyed our hairs....hahaha. it was sherlyn's first time and it turned out good. my hair is kind of a dark burgundy/red but i like it. then after a late brunch at 3, we both took a long ass nap. haha...at least we did our laundry! chris and aaron invited us to go watch hell boy with them but we wanted to watch prince and me so we asked angelo to take us and he did ; > very cute movie. then everyone came over to our place and we actually started drinking like at 1 am....stayed up loud as heck til 4 and didnt get in trouble. thats some record for us. muahahah...


happy easter ya'll....i need to do some homework now, so paaaaaaaayce!

tah freakin daaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
i survived and oh yes it feels goooooooood! ; >

upcoming weeks are gonna be fun...

pressure. anxiety. fear. im going INSANE...my heart's beating too fast. i need to compose myself.

ready or not....here we go.. : /

definetly the worse week/weekend of my life.......

first of all, why do science classes always gotta have their midterms around the same time? its just askin for failure! i have ochem on monday and physics on wednesday....geeeeeeeeez...not good. so ive been studying since spring break actually and i still dont feel confident at all. then again....do i ever?? argh, the torture of it all!

susan came up for her spring break. i feel bad cause i cant really kick it with her cause of my midterms. she's been sleeping here at my place though and spending time with bev. sooo....kanye west was suppose to be here on campus today doing a meet and greet with young gunz. but i wasnt gonna go since i had a mock midterm. turns out kanye couldnt make it and the thousands of people who lined up early in the morning just left. leaving less than 100 people waiting to meet young gunz, who ended up arriving 2 hours late. DUMB! i feel bad for them...hahaa. i didnt get an autograph since everyone else was in front of the line and i wasnt bout to cut people who really wanted to see him. whatevs though....i got to see malik from real world! yaay....my goal was met! i saw everyone from real world/road rules who went to berkeley ; )

bleh....more studying needed...peace.

ps...11 months ; >

back in berkeley

i wish the week didnt end. now its back to the life of school. i really really did NOT want to leave home. im not even sure when ill be back since im staying here for summer school. eh...back to reality.

the rest of the break was fun. wednesday i went to seaworld with my mom, sis, and little bro darius. haven't been there since senior year but theres nothing special about that place anyways. we did everything in the park in a matter of 4 hours. friday i did an outreach with berkeley at morse....good good stuff. its always nice to give back to the community and reconnecting with roots. mrs graham still loves me! haha...i loved her class. well hated the work but loved going to 6th period every day. it was one of my faves senior year with kristine a. i kinda got sad speaking to some of these kids though. a lot of them are soo unmotivated about school and life in general. that sucks. i feel sorry that they feel that way. morse in general is different though...no miyasaki, new buildings, new paints...things have definetly changed. heck, the whole area is changing! since when was mcdonalds peach? and the houses on woodman? okaaay?!...haha..i guess im out of the loop.

the trip back here was sooo coool though, we were on a plane with some people from seaworld and a penguin! that thing kept me occupied the whole ride. we even got some cool shamu key chains! lovely..just lovely!

oh yea, dont watch dawn of the dead. i thought it was stupid. and if you did see it...would you risk yourself to save that dumb girl who risked herself at her own will to save a stupid dog?! heeeeeeeeeeeeeck nooooo! i would have slapped her.

spring break is off to a great start...so far catching up on my sleep has been the most fun ;p my little bro darius is as tall as me now, we have the most comfiest leather couch now, shopping is fun...there's soo many things i want, i wish i could work, the only thing is that the weather sucks, sunny but a little chilly. but all in all...feels sooo good to be home and AWAY from berkeley. although i admit i have been studying...i guess there's always gonna be that nerdy side of me ;>

right now im kinda homeless for the next school year....hmm...long story but no hard feelings. (by the way its NOT cause we dont get along!) there's still a chance things could work out though. so im still hoping and praying.

happy birthday kristine alberto!....geeez, havent seen you in a hot one! take care dude!

very random story...

i was sitting around at roel's apartment minding my own business untill i heard some banging on the window. (just so you can visualize this, roel's side window is directly facing his neighbors only like 3-4 feet away)...so i took it upon myself to find out what the noise was all about...so i slightly lifted up ONE blind and BAM!!! there it is...a naked white guy reavealing anything and everything God has given him. WOW...all i can say is THANK GOD i did not open the blinds all the way..that would have been waaay too awkward. i really dont know if he saw me, but daaamn, can we put some clothes while adjusting the window?! ;p

friday was norwin's surprise party...(i swear almost everyone has had a bday surprise party here)...but norwin's reaction was the best thus far. he walks in and says "oh, what the fck?" haha...good job pretending to act surprised dude. there was soo many people there..and once again everyone liked our chicken and cake. i should start a dang catering service. anyways..that night was definetly chill for me. jely bought a freakin hookah...good stuff! roel was passed out and we had to drag him out of jely's room...funny...saturday was PURE LAZINESS! first weekend with no midterms to worry about ; > im heading back to SD this saturday if anyone cares and wants to hang out....

today i had a TOTAL REVELATION...i decided to check out PANAMA (Pilipino American Netowrking and Mentorship with Alumni) in hopes of gaining some knowledge from past berkeley students who have been in my shoes. ive been soo lost here at berkeley. but today it hit me and i realized what was wrong with me. i lack the leadership, motivation, and amibition i once had...in high school i had dreams of going to UCSD and in order to get there i made sure i got stratight As, i got involved in ASB, and didnt let anything get in the way of those dreams. i worked soo hard and did better than i expected. i go to berkeley. though for some reason, i unconsciencly let all that leadership, motivation, and ambition go. i didnt get as involved as much as i should have, i instead worked in the shadows of people, and had no motivation or GOAL to work toward since i had no idea what i wanted to be. i remember in high school i used to go to these conferences held by SDSU and UCSD and think to myself..."dang, these people go to freakin college." i only hoped to be as smart as them. i looked up to them so much. and today, looking at these alumni i had the same feelings. these people freakin did it...they graduated berkeley and now attend grad/med schools and work for some of the biggest companies. all i can say is WOW. i was in total awe. just hearing their stories, advice, and accomplishments pushed me to get back to my old self. the person i was in high school who was confident, strong, will-powered, and had so much goin for her. nowadays it seems like all i do is study...and ya know thats gonna kill me sooner or later. so from now on, i vow to myself to get more involved..become a leader once again in one of the pilipino organizaions, become motivated that i WILL graduate and not let my grades bring me down, and let my ambition guide me to one day attending....MED SCHOOL???? we'll see... im feeling inspired.

whatever right?.....its over. i cant help it, im sorry. i just wanna go home.

aahhh....it feels good to have the hard midterms out of the way...not that i think i did well or anything, im just glad its over. i still have stat on thursday, but i dont think its gonna be that hard. so basically things have been chill since wednesday night. roel is the sweetest....well i am too. haha, JP. for our anniversary i bought him a bag of his favorite candy, wrote a note on it, and hid it in his bag pack. then later he surprised me with a dozen red roses...well acutally 13, i guess the guy miscounted ; > haha. it was my first flowers from a guy, cheesy but i always think the littlest things mean so much more...so that was that. friday roel and i went shopping and of course i bought stuff from hollister...evil store i tell ya! then we met up with chris, jely, madel and michael in san leandro to eat some sushi and caught a move at union city. we saw roel's ex working there....but it honestly wasnt weird. i was tryin to say hi but she was busy. ive never met her but i guess she knows my face and smiled at me. anyways...the passion of christ was a very emotional movie. a little too gruesome..but thats how everything went down...so we get back around 2...(could have gone deer watching but we passed...muahhaha. JP) today was the first saturday in ages that i didnt have to force myself to get up and study and it felt HELLA GOOD. madel and i went to wet seal and i got some jeans for 20 bucks...woohoo! didnt even know it was on sale. then i went with roel and ian to the northface outlet...id buy a jacket but its waaaay too expensive, even on sale. then we ate at applebees and now im home and dont wanna do homework. boo freakin hooo!