i need a breather....here goes my one VERY emotional week:

Monday: frustration...we had a black out from 10pm-3am. geeez....what a freakin inconvienence. i had a review session for ochem 7-9 so afterwards roel and i walked back to his place to pick up his stuff and around 9:45 the lights went out...i got freaked out and wanted to leave but then madel calls me and tells me there's a one at our apartment too. apparently it was just our side of the block...what the heck?! luckily the hallway lights outside worked...and you know its freakin berkeley when everyone is out in the hallway with their chairs and books to do homework. i had a freakin quiz the next day for stat that i could hardly study for cause it was waaaay too cold to be reading outside.

Tuesday: feelin good...i was able to study for my quiz during lecture and so i think i did pretty well on it....hopefully. the whole night was OCHEM. i pretty much knew everything and understood everything. stayed up studying once again...

Wednesday: devastated...the ochem midterm was going great til i got to the last questions. two of them i just could NOT get...i felt horrible. i really want to do well in ALL my classes but its soo hard for me at berkelely. the test ended around 9pm and i was soo out of it that i just walked home by myself. it was a long walk but i didnt care at the moment...i was pissed at myself. i wasnt even noticing the darkness. i just walked with my head down crying. when i got home i just ran to my bed and started crying. i dont even know how to explain how i was feeling. i was just TIRED....of everything. staying up night after night to study for midterm after midterm...even waking up early the next day to study even more....only to feel horrible in the end. I DONT GET IT. im just TIRED of it. then at 10 we went to the ash wednesday mass....didnt even say a word the whole time....ive gotten back into my DEPRESSION. out of nowhere i would just tear thinking about school....i tried to hide it cause i wasnt tryin to be drama...i just didnt wanna talk to anyone. after church i was soo frustrated and didnt even wanna do my lab that was due the next day...i couldn think anymore and just wanted to give up on school...seriously.

Thursday:....the next morning was no better. i was quiet and couldnt think about anything else. throughout the day i would tear whenever i thought of school. roel saw it but knew i didnt wanna talk about it. i could tell something was wrong with me but didnt want to deal with it. i kept myself busy doing laundry and whatever...didnt even wanna play volleyball that night. but of course i did....and im glad cause we won our first game! i was definetly feeling better.

Friday: fun...we had no lab so i was hella happy. but i still got up early to clean the apartment up cause it was getting dirty and there would be no other time to do it. so later we had an appointment to resign our lease...oh yea, mari is moving out so now we have to find a new roomate...im kinda scared about this...so anyways...we resign the lease and then decided to look at the new apartment complex across the street...and now we wanna move there. haha...its new, safe, BIGGER, and CHEAPER. but there's a bunch of dilemmas with it too....i dont know if its gonna happen. but it would be cool cause roel is looking at it too and him and the guys would be one floor below us. good stuff if things work out! i hope it does. then later that night roel and i took the bart to cheescake factory in SF for ians birthday...happy birthday to him! it was fun..spent soo much money on dinner though. crazy. afterwards everyone went there own ways but erik (who flew up from sdsu) and ian dropped us off at berkeley and chilled for a bit talking...i was hella tired.

Saturday: mock midterm at 9:30 am for physics sucked butt...roel and i had a pretty serious argument...but of course we worked it out...i love our relationship. we fight but its not yelling back and forth or cussing...we just talk it out.

dang that was long...but a couple more things....i gave up cussing for lent. something that i REALLY want to do but its soo hard. and also we made the lady next to us move out...MUAHAHAHHAHAH....hella obvious it was cause of us cause she moved like 2 doors down...all i say is GOOD FOR HER!!!