i just feel like blogging...its been awhile since i blogged late at night about my feelings and shit...and since im home alone right now, its as good a time as ever...

so life has been good and bad this semester. school is freakin tough. really though....can i ever see an "A" on my transcript again?! berkeley is tough shit. sometimes i wonder how it would be if i had gone to UCSD instead..would i be getting better grades? would i have been able to grow as much as i did in berkeley? i really dont know...but walking through campus i always think to myself..."damn im one lucky girl" seriously... i still cant believe i go to berkeley, the number one public instituion. and even if it is hard as fck....in the end at least i can say "i did it"...just to see my parents face when i recieve that diploma will be worth all the shit im going through with school. yea, maybe i DONT get top notch grades like i did in high school, but this is berkeley. everything is a million times more competitive. as long as i know i worked my hardest, i know i'll be fine....YES, i will be. i can't believe how much ive grown emotionally...relationships flourished in my life with family, friends, and now roel. all i can do is thank GOD for blessing me with such great people. sometimes i gotta take a step back and remind myself of it. slowly im discovering myself...and i find that i'm NOT as strong as i thought i was. crying cause i dont know what classes to take? whoa...what kind of shit is that? i'm so lost....i really am. what i am learning is to lean on the people around me....realizing that i dont have to do everything on my own. knowing my limits and when to set my pride aside...thats probably the hardest thing i could ever do. you know what though? one thing i am missing right now is relaxation. its so hard for me to just sit and watch a full show on tv these days...its kinda sad. most of my free time is spent sleeping. how i get through the days...?? cause of roel...he really is my motivation. even though we can have our little times when we get irritated by each other, nothing ever goes further than a few minutes. and even if it may seem biased to say that i think we make a good couple, i really do think so. for one thing, we dont hold each other back from anything...better yet, we push each other forward. we do things for each other because we want to, not because we feel like we have to. we know how to give each other space and let each other be. he doesnt always have to be by my side and i dont always have to be his side. all my life i wanted a guy who could make me laugh, who had ambition, who was close to his family, sweet, caring, handsome...and i promise you that roel has all of that. ok, i'll stop now. this is too long and you guys probably dont care to hear about my love life. just one last thing....i am really content with my life right now...even if school bugs.